Blame WIP
by Bob Regent
Summary: Xander leaves after the Lie in Becoming- This is his story Abandoned
1. Part 1

Blame  
Author: Bob Regent  
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.net  
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England  
Summary: AU Season 3 onward Buffy did not go to LA and also found out Xander lied to her this is the story based around what happened to him  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon, The  
WB and Mutant Enemy own them.  
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it  
Feedback: Hell Yeah  
Spoilers: All of season 3 onwards   
Author's Note: Faith did not go bad, Xander left Sunnydale several weird things happened so Sunnydale is still here. Buffy never went to L.A. This is based soon after The Freshman. It is BX but will take a while to get there.  
Also All Headhunters are based on Ficlist people hope you don't mind guys.  
  
Dramatis Personae  
  
The Scooby Gang  
Buffy Summers: The Chosen One, The Slayer  
Willow Rosenberg: hacker, genius, Part-time Witch.  
Daniel (Oz) Osbourne: Werewolf and Willow's boyfriend  
Cordelia Chase- Royal Pain in the Arse  
Rupert Giles: Former Watcher of the Chosen One  
Faith- Second Slayer  
Jonathan Levinson- Xander replacement and Faith's Boyfriend  
  
Other cast members (LA Based)  
Angel- Soul Ridden Vampire  
Doyle- Demon Seer  
Wesley- Former Watcher and Rogue Demon Hunter currently works for Angel  
Riley Finn- U.S. Military Will be brought in straight away as Initiative personnel.  
Amy Madison- Witch (Was not ratted)  
Oz does not leave  
Tara- Witch  
William (Spike) the Bloody- Vampire- will be chipped  
  
  
The Head-hunters  
Commander Alexander Harris- CO   
Lt Commander John King- XO(Bob R) (British Exchange Cadet)  
Lt Commander Gabrielle Harris(Aslan) (Xander's Ex-wife: Think Sheridan and   
Lochley in Babylon 5)  
Lt Chip Masters(Dale Thiel)  
Sgt Robert James(Nathan McGregor) (Gab's Current Boyfriend)  
Sgt Steven Austin(Stone cold)  
Corporal Jennifer Cane (Jen Zimmer)  
Lance Corporal Stacy King(Buttercup8499) (John King's Wife)  
  
Initative personnel  
Sgt Lesley-Ann Finn(Lee-lee Colgan) (Riley's Cousin)  
Lt Shawn Ozman(Ozymandeus) (Former Classmate of Gang)  
  
  
  
Part 1  
  
Sunnydale summer 1998  
  
Buffy Summers walked out of her house and down the road towards the house of her best friend- Xander Harris. She was followed close behind by her defacto 'Sister' Willow Rosenberg who was still in a wheelchair being pushed by her boyfriend-Oz. Buffy looked furious it had been two days since she had had to kill Angel to save the world now she was about to confront her friend about why he lied to her and she knew that she might end up hurting him as much as he made her hurt. How could he do this to her   
*He lied to me* Her thoughts were as dark as Angelus' soul had been.  
  
She finally made her way to Xander's house and banged on the door. Inside Xander was siting on the Sofa in his front room he clutched a ice pack to his chest he had been hurt a lot more than he had let on in the fight he had almost broken three of his ribs and he refused to allow more help. He heard the knock and hobbled over to the door. Opening it he looked out and saw his three closest friends on the doorstep, the women he loved stepped forward and punched him, he flew backwards and hit the wall, Hearing one of his ribs snap he gasped and tried to stand up.  
  
"Wha..."  
  
"How could you, You knew and you let me kill him, you bastard!"  
  
She hit him again this time he managed to stay up   
  
"Stop, Wait..." he pleaded.  
  
As she swung for the third time he finally snapped, every time she had hurt him and pushed him away had finally built up. He hit her back VERY hard his right hand still had a cast around it and so added damage to his punch. She flew back and into the doorway.  
  
"You want to know why? " he shouted, "I'll tell you, I didn't want to die. Pure and simple, If I had told you, you wouldn't have fought and you would have died and so killing me, Willow, Oz and everyone else on this damn planet and for what so you could get back that Fucking Brooding Shit of a Vampire. Well I'm sorry for that but I chose the world over that bastard an over your problems."  
  
He was shaking in rage and stalked closer, none of them had ever seen the anger brimming out of him. His rage made him as strong and as angry as any demon they had fought.  
  
"I have never met as spoilt and as brattish person as you in my life, you lost a boyfriend and lover and evil bastard at that, think about what others have lost beause of him and his kind, Jesse jenny others that were innocent and try even nearly coming close to our losses, I've lost as much or maybe more than you. Now get the hell out of my house and out of my life. And if you ever hit me again I swear I'll break you fucking arms."  
  
With that Xander Harris bodily picked her up pushed her out and closed the door on the worst part of his life.  
  
Outside the door the three of them sat or stood in silence- they had never seen their friend like that. Is it really that possible that they were so wrong about him? Buffy was the one shocked most of all, she had felt nothing but anger and guilt but had never thought about the things that had happened to him. No she thought he lied to me about Angel and the spell, she turned and walked off, but she couldn't hold the anger within her she felt like a part of her had been ripped out and trampled on, it would take a while to figure out which hurt more the loss of her true love or of her best friend and which of them had made this hole in her soul.  
  
  
Oz and willow looked on trying to decide who to check on, in the end they chose neither and left the two of their friends to their own devices hopefully they would turn around and sort it out.  
  
Xander Harris slid down the back of his door trying not to scream in pain the injuries to his arm and chest was causing. He started to cry- for the first time since Jesse had died he cried. He cried for his lost friends his loved ones and for his innocence his and his best friends'.  
  
  
Three days Later   
Sunnydale High School- Library  
  
Giles, Buffy Willow and Oz were all in the library talking, well actually Giles Willow and Oz were talking and Buffy was moping in the big chair trying not to think about the loss of the two most important men in her world.  
The Doors banged open and Cordelia Chase Rushed in went right up to Buffy and slapped her- HARD,   
  
"You Bitch, He's gone all because of you he's gone." She started to sob.  
  
Willow rolled up behind Cordelia and asked "What's going on, what's happening have you seen Xander."  
  
Cordelia went over to another chair and collapsed in a heap into it.  
"He's gone he sent me a letter it was postmarked two days ago. He said that he had finally had enough and that he had to get away from the people he's hurt so much. He's gone and it's all her fault."  
  
Giles took the crying former May Queen and held her. Buffy looked as if she was about to collapse so Willow went over to her.  
  
"Buffy I'm sorry but she's right, I know you're upset and I hope you'll realise this but he really did this to help you."  
  
"Help Me?" Buffy practically screamed. "He made me send my boyfriend to hell and he then rips into me about things I couldn't have stopped."  
  
"Buffy You started to lay into him and you expect him to take it?"  
  
"You Blond Haired nympho Necrophiliac." Shouted Cordy, "If you hadn't have..."  
  
"Enough." Shouted a voice. And everyone turned to look at the source and was surprised to find it was Oz. "He's just left and now everyone's arguing about whose fault it is. Well he has lost more than anyone else has. First of all Jesse dies then he gets hurt by Vampires, gets turned into a hyena, Buffy shoots him down on Spring fling night, he saves her but as soon as she's capable she goes back to angel." He looks at them one by one.   
"He finally gets a girlfriend after all the problems he had with Ampheta and the others, and she then hurts him several times but luckily she takes him back. He's almost killed by Angel when he tried to get away from the women in that whole love spells thing. Then when Buffy's in hospital he faces Angel down." Buffy looked up at this.  
"That's right when you were ill Angel decided to pay you a little visit and you would have been dead if Xander hadn't have been there. He knew Angel could kill him but was not willing to let anything happen to one of his best friends. Then finally he makes sure the world could survive at the expense of one Vampire and of course he gets hit and ripped into by the same person he's saved so many times and now to cap it all he's lot all his friends and family because of this. Now do you see why he does what he does because he cares more for us all than he does for himself and to stop hurting us he's left."  
  
Buffy was impressed by Oz's speech he said more there than he had in all the time she knew him. Then everything he said took hold.  
  
"OmyGod, OmyGod, OmyGod, OmyGod. What the hell have I done." She sat on the floor and started rocking. What have I done." She whispered before mercifully passing out.  
  



	2. Part 2

Part 2  
One-Year Later- Timeline: The Freshman  
  
Buffy, Willow, Faith and Oz were walking down the main drive in the campus grounds Buffy and Faith were talking shop while Willow and Oz were walking arms together. Buffy and Willow had grown apart a little over the last year in fact most of them had grown apart they still hung around together and were friends it just seemed as if the heart had fallen out of the gang even with the inclusion of Faith and Amy into their ranks. They knew why and even though they came in later both Faith and Amy saw it too.  
  
They all sat down next to a tree looking through their things and eating lunch, as they were finishing their food Faith spoke up  
  
"B I know you might not like this question but..." she looked at Buffy "Over all the things you told us you all seemed close but now you seem to be distant to each other."  
  
"Faith I don't really want to talk about it."  
  
Amy piped up. "It's a little painful for them to talk about, they lost a friend of theirs just over a year to go."  
  
"Xander Right"  
  
They all looked at her like they were shocked.  
  
"How did you know about him."  
  
"I saw the photo of Buffy, Willow and a dark haired boy at Buffy's house I asked Joyce who he was and she told me his name. Who was he really?"  
  
Willow looked at the others; "He was my best friend for a long time since we were kids at kintergarden. We'd been around together ever since, he was the first of us to know about Buffy and who she was it was him that was responsible for you."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"He's the one that saved Buffy and brought her back to life in the master's layer."  
  
"What happened to him he looked like a bit of a Hottie to me."  
  
"He was- well kind of." Amy Blushed and wished she hadn't spoken up, "I mean he went out with the most popular Girl at school and although he didn't know it several girls in our year had crushes on him especially after he joined the swim team."  
  
"The Speedos." Laughed Willow   
  
"Oh God" Giggled Buffy "I still see that whenever I go swimming or look at a swimming pool. He looked so hot I couldn't believe it. He had hidden Depths"  
  
"Amongst other things." Laughed Amy  
  
"Hey Guy here Guy here" interrupted Oz as the girls went into hysterical laughter  
  
"What are you all talking about" Asked Faith  
Oz told her the story that he had heard from the Girls, told her about the Fishmen and their talking to everyone in the school connected to them and anyone who might want to kill the swim team. He then went on to tell her about them finding out that Xander had joined the swim team to go undercover with a little add-in from Willow about Xander "Not being covered by much."  
  
"According to witnesses, the eyes almost popped out on the three of them." OZ smirked at them. "He almost never lived it down especially after the pictures went up."  
  
"What pictures?"   
  
They looked at Amy who blushed a deep red and pulled a picture of Xander in his Speedos.   
  
"SO what I kept one he looks good and I liked him in the Speedos, thanks to these photos he had almost every girl in the school fantasising about him."  
  
"Want?" Asked Willow.  
  
"Yeah not just the four of us either, Cordette, Harmony and all those lot saw what Cordy saw."  
  
She passed the picture to Faith whose eyes almost bugged out  
  
"Wow- this was Xander he's was hot. What happened to him"  
  
The Mood of the group changed as they all remembered what had started this on the first place Buffy looked at Willow and Oz who looked back, Amy knew what was coming so listened in to.  
  
"I drove him off" Answered Buffy, " He left almost exactly a year before graduation, Angelus had just been thrown into hell and I found out that Xander had lied to me and that he was supposed to tell me..."   
  
She stopped as her voice cracked and she started to cry. She hadn't cried about Xander in almost a year and she finally let herself feel it, then Willow did something she hadn't done for a long time almost since before Xander had left she took Buffy into her arms and held her. Oz took up the story.  
  
"He was supposed to tell her that Willow was trying the spell to curse Angel again, he didn't he said 'Kick his ass' and she did. She found out and went around to his house a few days later- he'd been injured to an extent in a battle with some vamps the same one where your predecessor died." Faith looked over at Buffy and locked eyes with her and saw the haunting in her eyes.  
"She started to hit him she got two shots in and he did something I never thought I'd see."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He hit Buffy" They both turned to look at her and they saw the pain and fear in her eyes.  
  
"I've lost as much or maybe more than you. Now get the hell out of my house and out of my life"   
  
She started to sob much harder and soon her shoulders were shaking as she let a year's worth of anger, fear and pain out, Willow joined her soon after. Oz and faith walked over and pulled one of them to each Willow to Oz and Buffy to Faith. The two of them had finally started to come to terms. Amy looked over at them and made her mind up she was going to find him one way or another.  
  
  
Sunnydale Army Base 1800hrs  
  
Two Hum-vees started their way through towards the gates, a hand reached out of the window showing the ID and orders of the Group. Once inside they parked up, several people got out.  
  
"...I tell you Bram Stoker got it right." Argued John king  
  
"Just because he was a limey like you doesn't make him right." Replied Steven Austin.  
  
"You both wrong" Stacy King John's wife piped up "the boss knows about that hey boss."  
  
A figure got out, he was tall with a large build with dark hair and brown eyes.  
  
"Yep I do." Replied Alexander Harris. Looking a little different Xander now had short cut hair (Author's note- think current hair minus 2-3 Inches shorter), has a goatee and has bulked up seriously.  
  
"I fought them in LA just before I joined up. It was strange that I knew what to do and how to do it."  
  
He thought back to his time with the Hunters when he had been in LA he had fought off a small group of fledglings and had come across a small group of soldier cadets who were fighting a large group they had blasted at the vamps with Beretta 9mm Semi-automatics and had succeeded in dusting one or two. The rest were fighting hand to hand although against the vamps that was pointless. He could see the dead body of one of the cadets on the floor his head at an Impossible angle and one arm down by his feet-ripped off by a vamp. He walked down the alley and shifted into the shadows. He found an old broken broom handle and picked it up.  
  
"Let's play ball."   
  
He ran out of the shadows jumping on the back of one and shoving the makeshift stake into the vamp's back. It tuned to dust underneath him but Xander didn't wait he was already moving stabbing another surprised vamp and smashing another with the stick. Staking that one he twisted around and stabbed one that was coming after him.   
  
Pausing only to pick up a few pieces of wood he joined the army cadets, one of them a 6'3" dark hair male grabbed one of the stakes from Xander and Staked the one that was attacking a well built reddish blond haired girl. By them two of the others had been handed stakes and were using them, they obviously knew what they were doing. He turned back just in time to see one particularly ugly vamp (*Aren't they all* thought Xander) coming at him Xander flipped a small piece of wood up and head it in front of the vamp as a makeshift cross as the vamp reeled back Xander took his chance and plunged the stake into the vamp. Then as the vamp evaporated into dust, one vamp got to Xander and threw him against the wall knocking him out. The same dark haired man that had taken the stake off Xander got this vamp in the back. The vamps group know down by more than half decided to that discretion was the better part of valour that or they were chicken shit scared ran for it. The small bunch of soldiers gathered around the young man that had saved them and decided to see if they could help him.  
  
As the young man came around the said just three words to them. "Who Am I?" before he passed out again. The group then got up and left the area they had to find out more about this mysterious man and where he came from.  
  
One Week later- The Pentagon Washington DC  
  
Alexander Harris sat in the waiting room of a high level General, Next to him on the right was John King and His Girlfriend Stacy and on the left another of the Group an attractive dark haired blue eyed young Lady by the name of Gabrielle (Or Gabby to her Friends). He looked up as the secretary called for them to go into the General's office; the four of them walked into the Briefing room and took their seats. The General Moved into the room and the soldiers stood to attention, Xander being a civilian didn't but stood anyway as a measure of respect.  
  
"Ah this must be the young man that saved your unit Cadet Sgt King."  
  
"Yes Sir, he was also injured in the battle if he had been one of my men he would have been cited for bravery."  
  
"Yes, Well Mr..." He paused to look at the Report, it included photocopies of his ID. "Harris, it seems that you knew what you were doing when you fought those HSTs. Tell me how did you know how to fight them."  
  
Xander piped up "With all respect Sir, I don't know how I fought them."  
  
"You see sir..." Interrupted Gabby, "Alexander lost his memory when he hit a wall when he was thrown by an HST. He has no memory before last week, the Doctor's say that it's not permanent but it may be a while until he regains his memory."  
  
The General leaned back into his chair and regarded the slightly built young man in front of him, he knew he recognised the youth but could not place him. He tapped his fingers together and looked around at King.  
  
"Sgt would you be willing to take Mr Harris into your troop in order to train him. He has officially requested to join the project as a soldier."  
  
"Yes Sir Alexander is a good soldier he seems to already have some training in military combat. I'd be glad to take him on."  
  
"Good" Replied the General as he turned to Xander "Mr Harris Welcome to the Initiative"  
  



	3. Part 3

Part 3  
  
  
Time: 6 months later- timeline The Zeppo  
  
Lt Alex Harris, Sgt John King and Corporal Robert James hid in the long grasses of the Fields they were training in. Alex motioned for them to split and go three separate ways, himself to the front, one each of them to the sides. The moved out further into the grasses until they came within striking distance of the clearing, looking out with his combat scope Alex saw his target and prepared to fire. Two signals from his men told him that they were ready, at the prearranged time the three of them popped up in a perfect equilateral triangle and fired their guns mowing down every enemy soldier at the post.  
  
"Cease fire." Called the range officer. "Safety on guns all units stand down.  
Alex pulled off his camouflage hood and looked at his men. The Range officer approached him.  
  
"That's six minutes and no casualties a record by three minutes and one casualty. Congratulations Lt Harris Please report to debriefing at Headquarters."   
  
The other five approached him and his men all removing various types of protective Headgear In command was Sgt Gabrielle Harris. She walked up to her estranged husband.  
  
"You got us there Alex, How did you know what and where we were."  
  
"Simple I looked for a place with a good shelter and readily available water supply. Plus you are quite predictable."  
  
"I am not"  
  
"You are too."  
  
This banter was normal for the two- they two had been married a month into the training and had split up two months later when they realised they really weren't meant to be together like that. They were still close friends though closer that anyone he had ever been to- that he could remember anyway. They group tuned back to each other and started walking back to the barracks it was a 5-hour march but they were up to it.  
  
Alex walked up to his friend and cohort John King and whispered to him.  
  
"Hey have you seen the way that Robbie James and Gabby look at each other."  
  
"Hell yeah she looks like she wants to rip his pants off and dive right in. He looks like he's going to faint if she ever asks him to. No offence Alex but you didn't exactly turn her around like that."  
  
"Your telling me I mean look at the way she ever so coyly looks at him, he looks away and blushes I'm going to push them together if they are going to get any where"  
  
"Yeah, how you doing those dreams still affecting you."  
  
"Yeah it's weird I see A Blond a Brunette and a Redhead and some other girl whose hair changes colour."  
  
"Maybe you a prince and their your Harem"  
(Author's Note Uh-hmm hey lads)  
  
"I don't think so I'm going on to scout ahead the boss could be setting up a trap for us."  
  
  
*Maybe I can sort out these dreams I'm having. Thought Alex silently  
Timeline Present- The day after The Freshman  
Sunnydale Army Base 0:600 Hours  
  
"Alright Ladies up and at em" shouted Sgt King. "We've got the University visit today and we want to be early and ready to meet the group already here."  
  
A few minutes later after fatigues and exercise the Head-Hunters sat down to Breakfast.  
  
"Alright Boss what's the news" Chip asked Alex  
  
"Well we'll be starting here today, different people to different classes, Stacy and John will join the Psych class you others will get your assignments once we have met up with Commander Finn. Keep an eye out there's been reports of some kind of powerful HST- Vampire Breed. At that point his head started pounding and a memory made it's way up.   
  
A body slumped on the floor drowned in a small puddle of water, the blond hair of the body around it's face. Another memory this one he was bent over the body giving her mouth to mouth. She started breathing on her own. She said one word to him. "Xander?" A final memory a particularly ugly vamp the one that killed her fought against the Girl- Slayer??. *Where did that come from*. Finally she killed the vamp there the memory ended.  
  
To the outside it was barely a second before he stopped shaking.  
  
"Alex you okay" asked a concerned Gabby "Sit down."  
  
"Another memory Alex?" King Again  
  
"Yeah the same person and one hell of an ugly HST, he must have been old he seemed like it. He was strong fast and had some type of PSI powers. Don't worry he's dusted."  
  
"Dusted?"  
  
"Yeah, I... I don't know where that came from."  
  
"That goes with you Buff and Wills statements."  
  
"Yeah I suppose. OK troops lets move."  
  
  
Three hours later Professor Walsh's Psyche class.  
  
Willow Buffy and Faith are sitting together talking when two people sit next to them; the four of them hadn't seen them in class yesterday. One was a male just over six foot tall with mid- length dark hair and greeny brown eyes, the other was female with long reddish hair and Brown eyes. The way they walked in together showed that the two of them were a couple, Faith was closest to them so said hello. The two newcomers responded in kind.  
  
"I'm John This is Stacy,, My other half."  
  
"I'm Amy, This is Faith Buffy and Willow."  
  
"Hey"- the six of them just started a conversation when Professor Walsh came into the room along with Riley Finn. The class settled in and the class began, at the end the class left with the Exception of the new people. Once the class had left the two of them went up to Walsh and Finn, Stacy closed the main doors.  
  
"Can I help you Mr...?"  
  
"King, Sgt john King, this is Lance Corporal Stacy King. We're new units attached to your group Professor Walsh."  
  
"Ah yes The Head-Hunters I've heard about you and your Commander- Alexander Harris isn't it."  
  
"Yes Ma'am. that's also something I need to talk to you about. I would like members of the Group to keep an eye on those four that we were next to."  
  
"Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, and that girl Faith, yes I'm going to anyway there is something strange about those four."  
  
Both of them stiffened slightly after hearing those names- two of those names Alex had said.  
  
"What have they got to do with anything." Asked Riley  
  
"Well Commander Harris is from around here and we think that he knows them. When we get the chance we'll try to integrate him back here and if he knows them then he may get his memory back. That would be good for us because he obviously has knowledge of HSTs we don't and maybe even some soldiering he had done before."  
  
"OK I'll have my people look after them. I want your squad at headquarters within the hour." Ordered Maggie Walsh "Dismissed."  
  
The two left the room following the rest of the class to the next room, as luck would have it Alexander and the rest were there to luckily no-one from the scoobies were there.  
  
"Alex we have to go The commander of the Initiative wants us there within the hour."  
  
"OK Lets go." The group left out one door while the Scooby females came in the other, Alex and the Hunters made their way to the Initiative headquarters. Once in the hall they walked up to the mirror where Commander Finn of the Initiative met them. The group turned to the mirror and Identified themselves  
  
"Commander Riley Finn"  
"Commander Alexander Harris- CO Headhunters"  
"Lt Commander John King- XO Headhunters"  
"Lt Commander Gabrielle Harris"  
"Lt Chip Masters"  
"Sgt Robert James"  
"Sgt Steven Austin"  
"Corporal Jennifer Cane"  
"Lance Corporal Stacy King"  
  
The mirror slid back and the group took it down to the depths of the earth beneath UC Sunnydale. Once there they were relieved of ID and weaponry and put through an ID screening. They were screened for any type of demon infestation or non-natural occurrences in their DNA- apart from one brain abnormality and one strange reading in his frontal lobe in the squad commander they all passed without a problem. Once they were passed they were re-equipped with their weaponry and given their indoctrination. They were also given room assignments with the three girls and three of the boys in two rooms, Alex and John were assigned senior officers quarters, right next door to Commander Riley Finn.  
There was a knock on the door, John King opened it to find Riley Finn outside,  
  
"Hey Riley, come in you want to talk to the Boss."  
  
"Yeah actually I'd like to tell you both about the party tonight in the hall. We'd like you both there with the rest of your team. Look around see if there's anything that you find strange around here- I mean apart from the hellmouth being less than a mile away."  
  
Alex spoke up, "Ok no problem we'll be there, time to see what this town has going for it."  
  
"Your Records say you're from this area and that you may have found some of your abilities here. How much do you remember about this area."  
  
"Not much I remember some faces maybe a place or two but nothing concrete as soon as I do I'll let you know."  
  
  
"Fine no problem, now this party tonight I've invited a few people from the Initiative and I think that a few others might come along, especially this attractive blonde, a redhead and two dark haired girls..."  
  
"Count me out" said John Flashing his ring finger, "Already attached, which reminds me. Could Stacy and I get a different room, I assume this college does married couples dorms."  
  
" Yeah but the entire college was filled this year we were lucky to get your team in but if anything opens up I'll let you know Maggie has some sway with the board of directors. We might be able to sort it out"  
  
"Thanks. I gotta go meet Stacy, Rob and Gabby See you guys later."  
  
"See ya later." With that John left the two commanders.  
  



	4. Part 4

All songs belong to their writers.  
  
  
Part 4  
  
One hour later- a coffee Shop.  
  
The four of them were sitting in a corner booth talking about the first day on a new job.  
  
"Yeah Buffy and Willow. I'm sure that they are the same names that Alex has been calling in his sleep." Rob said  
  
"These two must have something else about them something that makes Alex remember more than anything." Replied gabby  
  
"Maybe he was involved with one of them or something" murmured Rob  
  
He got a slap upside the head from gabby for that and she snuggled into his arms, the two of them had finally got together a few days before and were happy with their new relationship apart from a little ribbing by the rest of the group. The two of them were totally infatuated with each other and they looked it. John shot a 'were we ever like that' look at Stacy and she replied with a "Probably worse" look. She smiled and looked back at the canoodling duo.  
  
"So what do we do about this guys if they have something to do with Alex do we tell him or do we leave him alone and let him find out himself."  
  
Rob looked up "I'm not sure but with this party tonight its likely that he'll meet them anyway so we should just let him be and if anything happens we'll sort it out then."  
  
"I hope your right my friend I hope your right."  
  
"So do I  
  
  
Same time Buffy's and Faith's dorm room  
  
  
"So who's going to the party tonight then" asked Willow, "Riley asked us all to go." The four girls were sitting around the room, Faith and Buffy were sorting the room out while Amy and Willow were talking.  
  
"A party I'm up for that." Exclaimed Faith, "All those college guys and fraternities especially those cute ones In Lowell house. I can't wait."  
  
"I'm in too I saw one of them only from the back but wow. Short Dark hair and really Buff." Replied Buffy.  
  
"I saw another one" said Amy, "Over Six foot, brown hair hazel eyes. He's mine."  
  
"Too late Amy he's in our psyce class. He's already married." Replied willow  
  
"Oh shit..."  
  
"He's English and here on a scholarship."  
  
"There goes that then."  
  
"What about oz" asked Buffy "Is he coming tonight"  
  
"Yeah he's just helping Giles with some stuff at the moment, the explosion only damaged one wall. It'll be up and running soon. Oz'll be back tonight and we'll finally get to spend some time together." Willow replied looking at the diamond engagement ring on her finger.  
  
"Your really happy about that aren't you." Asked Amy  
  
Over the last year and a half Amy and Willow had become close friends closer than she had been with Buffy. Buffy had been the same with Faith; they had grown distant over the time since Xander had disappeared. Giles had admitted that he had received regular letters from Xander until about Six months ago and then nothing. Their worst fear was that he had been killed by something, it seemed that had been the case when most of his stuff had arrived on the steps of Giles' house five months ago. Willow and Buffy had split apart for almost the entire summer after that happened. It was only thanks to Faith, Amy and a particularly nasty Bugman- the male equivalent of Mantis lady that had almost killed Buffy. After that they had started talking to each other but it would take a very long time to get back to where they were if they ever were.  
  
"Yeah I can't believe I'm getting married in a few months." She saddened slightly as she thought. Amy knew what she was thinking instantly, it was the same thing she had thought everyday since she accepted Oz's Proposal a few moths ago. Willow started to cry on her friend's shoulder.  
  
"Shh I know he would like to be here for the wedding, he loved you as well he wouldn't miss this if he could help it."  
  
"Yeah I know." She laughed slightly, "I should be happy but I can't help thinking I should have done something."  
  
"Willow look at me, LOOK at me" Said Amy sternly, "We did everything we could even location spells. Now we know he's alive otherwise it wouldn't have even looked for him so we know he's alive somewhere and we will find him. It'll just take a while."  
  
"Yeah Ok, Lets get ready for this party then shall we  
  
  
Lowell House one hour later  
  
"Come on do this please."  
  
"No."  
  
  
"Come on Alex, Me Chip and Steve are doing it with you that make the four needed. Come on it's our first night on campus."  
  
"No."  
  
John Frowned and then grinned. "Oh yes you will and I know why."  
  
"Oh really Why?"  
  
"New York."  
  
Alex's eyes widened like saucers. "You wouldn't."  
"Blackmail is sweet isn't it Commander."  
  
"You are a complete bastard you know that don't you John."  
  
"Umm, Yes"  
  
"Alright but only tonight. Never again OK."  
  
"OK." He took a deep breath. "He'll do it guys." He shouted.  
  
"About time." They shouted back.  
  
"Let's get started then."  



	5. Part 5

Part 5  
  
Two hours later- party at Lowell house.  
  
Buffy and her friends- now including Oz and Jonathan entered into Lowell house. The party was in full swing. They noticed several of the newcomers and Riley talking in the background they could hear voices singing there was an on campus band. They were singing one of Willows favourite songs. The voice was familiar but she couldn't place it.   
  
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing   
Watch you smile while you are sleeping   
While you're far away and dreaming   
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender   
I could stay lost in this moment forever   
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure   
  
:   
Don't wanna close my eyes   
Don't wanna fall asleep   
'Coz I'd miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
Cos even when I dream of you   
The sweetest dream will never do   
I'd still miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
  
Lying close to you   
Feeling your heart beating   
And I'm wondering what you're thinking   
Wondering if it's me you're seeing   
Then I kiss your eyes   
And thank God we're together   
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever   
Forever and ever   
  
:   
Don't wanna close my eyes   
Don't wanna fall asleep   
'Coz I'd miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
Cos even when I dream of you   
The sweetest dream will never do   
I'd still miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
  
  
I don't wanna miss one smile   
I don't wanna miss one kiss   
I just wanna be with you   
Right here with you just like this   
I just wanna hold you close   
Feel your heart so close to mine   
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time   
Yeah, yeah   
  
:   
Don't wanna close my eyes   
Don't wanna fall asleep   
'Coz I'd miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
Cos even when I dream of you   
The sweetest dream will never do   
I'd still miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
:   
Don't wanna close my eyes   
Don't wanna fall asleep   
'Coz I'd miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
Cos even when I dream of you   
The sweetest dream will never do   
I'd still miss you baby   
And I don't wanna miss a thing   
  
  
Cheers and applause rang throughout the room and as it died down another- British voice started to sing- it was John King he had a nice voice and several people sang along. It was known to most people as a film track song that had been very popular and it took a British voice to work.  
  
  
There's no time for us,  
There's no place for us,  
What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us.  
  
Who wants to live forever,  
Who wants to live forever.....?  
There's no chance for us,  
It's all decided for us,  
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us.  
  
Who wants to live forever.  
Who dares to love forever,  
Whoa-whoa our love must die.  
  
But touch my tears with your lips,  
Touch my wo-unds with your fingerti-ps,  
And we can have forever,  
And we can love forever,  
Forever is our today,  
Who wants to live forever,  
Who wants to live forever,  
Forever is our today,  
Who waits forever anyway?  
  
The four finished the song and more cheers went up. The Scoobies met up with the new people they had met that day and sat along with them. They commandeered some drinks and started talking- John and Steven came up and sat down with the rest.  
  
"Hey where's Chip and Alex."  
  
"They're busy at the moment emergency call or something. Oh for those here who haven't met them this is Gabrielle, Robert, Steven, Jennifer and of course my wife Stacy. We've got two people missing but they'll be here later."  
  
Stacy replied." Yeah Alex and Chip are always late. So how are you guys doing."  
  
"Not too bad" Replied Faith. "This is Amy, Oz and Jonathan Friends of ours who are Starting here."  
  
"I've seen Amy around we're in one of the same classes." Steven smiled at her and she Blushed. Willow Buffy and Faith looked at each other with a 'She's gone' look the same with the guys. Faith sat next to Jonathan and settled into his arms, they had been together now ever since she stopped him from killing himself just under a year ago. She had first been taken by his innocence and likability. But overall his helplessness, she had never liked to be dependent on anyone. But had been changed when he became dependant on her, In fact they had become so close that after a few dates she had fallen in love with him. No longer was she the love and dump em kind she held onto this one and they had finally admitted their relationship to the total surprise of no one.   
  
"So are you all from Sunnydale" Asked Rob  
  
"Everyone but Faith she's from Chicago" Answered Jonathan, "Buffy, Willow me and Amy were the same year. Oz was the year above us until last year and, Actually Amy, Willow and myself have known each other for ten years or more..." he stopped. The rest knew what it was about Xander had been with them for years until he disappeared.  
  
"So how do you all know each other..."  
  
"Well we were all at the same school..."  
  
"Hey" a voice shouted. "John, Steve- last song Alex says he'll do it." It was Chip  
  
"Here we go, come over and watch guys we'll introduce you to the rest of the gang." They got up and left for the small stage. The Scoobies walked over and Buffy could see the back of the man she had seen earlier. The group started off and a song started off Buffy's favourite song that only three people knew about, her mother, Faith and the person who gave her a copy when she fell in love with the song- his own SIGNED copy.  
  
'Oh My God'  
  
Instantly she knew the voice and the person singing it like he had those years ago, she hadn't known the real feeling he had behind that song until he had gone- she listened and started to cry.  
  
This Romeo is bleeding   
But you can't see his blood   
It's nothing but some feelings   
That this old dog kicked up   
It's been raining since you left me   
Now I'm drowning in the flood   
You see, I've always been a fighter   
But without you, I give up   
No, I can't sing a love song like the way it's meant to be   
Well, I guess I'm not that good any more, but baby that's just me   
  
Then everyone sang along to the Chorus   
  
Yeah I will love you, baby   
Always   
And I'll be there forever and a day   
Always   
I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine   
'Til the heavens burst   
And the words don't rhyme   
And when I die, you'll be on my mind   
And I love you   
Always   
  
Now those pictures that you left behind   
Are just memories of a different life   
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry   
One that made you have to say goodbye   
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair   
To touch your lips, to hold you near   
When you say your prayers, try to understand   
I make mistakes, I'm just a man   
When he holds you close, when he pulls you near   
When he says the words you've been needing to hear   
I wish I was him, 'cos those words are mine   
To say to you 'til the end of time   
  
Yeah, I will love you, baby   
Always   
And I'll be there forever and a day   
Always   
  
If you told me to cry for you, I could   
If you told me to die for you, I would   
Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay   
To say these words to you   
  
Well there ain't no luck in these loaded dice   
But baby if you just give me just one more try   
We can pack our old dreams and our old lives   
We'll find a place where the sun still shines   
  
And I will love you, baby   
Always   
And I'll be there forever and a day   
Always   
I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine   
'Til the heavens burst   
And the words don't rhyme   
And when I die, you'll be on my mind   
And I love you   
Always   
  
  
Buffy looked up and into a pair of the most familiar eyes she had ever seen- the eyes that had haunted her day and night for over a year. The eyes of the man she now knew she was in love with. Choking back sobs she whispered...  
  
"Xander??"  
  



	6. Part 6

Part Six  
Buffy started to fall towards the ground, to all around the room watching it was as if in slow motion, Alex jumped and caught her as she fell, her blond hair had fallen over her face and he couldn't see her face, he had caught her awkwardly and couldn't hold or move her without hurting himself or her.   
  
A few of the Hunters and scoobies had run across to see if she was alright. None of the scoobies had seen who the man that had caught their friend was.   
  
"Shit. John, Chip give me a hand here. Gabby get a pillow or something." Alex picked her up after balancing her with Chip's help, while John and Chip cleared the way. Willow, Jonathon and the rest followed them. Once they were in John and Alex's room they put the unconscious Buffy on the bed. Willow rushed in and sat next to Buffy.  
  
"Alex..." John Started, Willow turned and looked at the man who had caught Buffy as she fell but his back was turned, she turned back to Buffy and tried to wake her up."  
  
"What's wrong Alex."   
  
"I don't know John she seems familiar but I can't place her, like she means something to me."  
  
"Alex we think you do know her. Her name is Elizabeth Summers- better known as Buffy. Her friend over there is Willow Rosenburg- or Wills."  
  
"What??"  
  
"The same people you have been saying in your sleep over the last few months. There are others around too."  
  
Alex turned around to look at the attractive redhead looking after her friend he also saw several people outside the door- all of them seemed familiar except for the Dark haired girl with her arm around a short young man. He knew them but could not place them. A small flash of memory came up- one of being jumped on by all these women and especially of a tall dark haired and very pretty women looking at him with affection and his surprise at that, he shook his head to clear it  
  
"I know all of them in one way or another John I wish I knew but I can't remember any of them, I wish I could."  
  
"Hey man Don't worry just talk to them."  
  
Alex walked over to the redhead and whispered lightly  
  
"Willow..." The redhead's head jumped up and turned around in shock, she covered her mouth with her hands and almost fainted she looked at her former best friend with surprise, shock, sadness, fear and happiness in her eyes. Alex had never seen so many conflicting emotions in one pair of eyes. She spoke  
  
"Xander, Is that you." She put her hand up to his face touching it, "Oh my god, it is you." She jumped into his arms and held on tight, tears running down her face. She held her head close to his chest. Alex was unsure what to but put his arms around her and held her as tight as he could. A memory came to him of some childhood incident. He pulled away from her, and looked at her, he shifted embarrassed.   
  
"Umm, look I'm sorry but I don't know who you are. Any of you, you might know me but I'm sorry."  
  
"Xander.." At that point Oz walked in followed by Faith, Amy and Jonathan. They looked at him and simultaneously three jaws dropped and Amy Fainted she was deftly caught by Steven. He laid her on the other bed and checked her vital signs. She woke up and looked into his eyes. They smiled at each other and he helped her sit up. During this time the others were a little busy themselves.  
  
  
"Xander." Oz smiled and pulled his old friend into a hug. "No way man when did you get back" Oz was pleased to see him, Amy and Jonathan were the same, Faith sat back in the background smiling. Alex was to say the least surprised by the attention- not to mention the rest of the group who were gaping at the newcomers.  
  
  
*Pwweett* a loud whistle pierced the area, Gabby and John were standing on the other side of the bed. "Thanks, Alright all of you calm down a second. Alex I think that these people know you from here."  
  
Alex untangled himself from the Scoobies and walked over to his friends. He turned around, he looked at them and saw the confusion on their faces.  
  
"Look I know you all know who I am, but I don't know you or who I am. If you can help me I'd be grateful."  
  
"You mean you don't know who you are or anything about any of us." Said Buffy who had woken up a few seconds before. "You don't know anything."  
  
"No I don't All I know is the few things my identification says. Place of birth Sunnydale, Name: Alexander Harris, the strange thing is my next of Kin isn't any known relation of me- his name's Rupert Giles. Sounds English to me."  
  
"Giles??- he's a friend of ours and yours. He's British, we've known him for three years. He's a good man and he'll be glad to see you."  
  
"I..." " he looked up as a name and appearance, appeared in his mind's eye. "G-man in Tweed?"  
  
Willow grinned "That's him you remember him. Anything else"  
  
He looked at Willow for a second.  
  
"Beach Barbie Blowout." The entire room chuckled and Willow was crying happy tears.  
  
"Well it looks like it was a good idea to bring him here doesn't it." Whispered Gabby to Rob Sarcastically.   
  
She looked around and saw Buffy looking at her with contempt, she glared back- a fact not unnoticed by Rob and Alex who moved protectively towards her. Buffy looked at them with surprise and looked away.  
  
*He's my best friend why is he talking sides against me with these people*  
  
The other side of her mind answered that one.  
  
*Because they've looked after him for the past half year while you have been feeling sorry for yourself.*  
  
John also saw this. "Alright, I think this is enough for tonight, you Sunnydale lot go back to your rooms we'll sort this out tomorrow. The rest of you back to your rooms or the party, none of this is helping."   
  
He looked at his people with a 'don't make me make this an order' face on. The rest of them realised that he meant it, Steven and Amy went out with their arms interlinked and they left Rob and Gabby last out the door, Faith, Oz and Jonathan left soon after. John and Alex stayed looking at Willow and Buffy, they looked back at them.  
  
"Ok you two what the hell was that about." Demanded Willow and John at the same time. They looked at each other nodded and looked back. Buffy and Alex looked back and at each other.  
  
"Who the hell is she Xander?"  
  
" My name is Alex and what the hell has it got to do with you, I don't even know who you are."  
  
"Your name is Xander you are my best friend."  
  
"So why the hell are you being like this, why the hell was I in L.A. a year ago. Why the..."  
  
Suddenly a massive pain pierced through Alex's head forcing him to his knees. He saw a fist hit him and pain lancing through his ribs and head. The vision of the woman in front of him and in his dream both looked at him in anger and the one in the dream lashed out and hit him. Finally his dream self hit back and the vision and the pain stopped with his scream and Alex collapsed on the floor.  
  



	7. Part 7

Part 7  
  
Outside Of Lowell House.   
  
An ambulance had turned up and taken Alex to hospital for tests. The two groups got into their vehicles and left for Sunnydale general hospital. A place all of them hated to go especially the Scooby Gang.  
  
"I can't believe he's back." Said Willow  
  
"The people he's with seem alright especially that Steven. He's kinda cute in an old town kind of way a bit like Riley Finn" Replied Amy  
  
"I'm Happy with the one I've got. Leave me out of it." Said Faith. She turned and kissed her other half who was loving it.   
  
Amy, Willow and Buffy all were thinking he same thing. *Just like Oz and Willow when they started going out.*   
  
Oz was thinking that he hoped his former best male friend was alright and also thought the same as the girls. His 'wolf sense' could pick up something wrong with the entire group but he couldn't place it.  
  
"He really lost it in there didn't he." Asked Faith coming into the conversation.  
  
"He's never been like that before." Said Jonathan  
  
"He's got some explaining to go." A dejected buffy Summers replied  
  
The rest of the trip went through in silence.  
  
  
Sunnydale Hospital- Forty minutes later.  
  
Rupert Giles and Joyce Summers ran down the hall trying to find Willow and Oz, she had rung them both a few minutes before and they wanted to find out what had happened. They turned a corner and ran into Oz and Jonathan who were waiting by the door, alongside them were two people they had never seen before.  
  
"Oz what happened is it Buffy is she OK."  
  
"I'm fine." Buffy's voice came from behind them; they spun around to see Buffy, Faith and Amy. Along with a few others they didn't know. In all there were seven people excluding the Scooby gang around the reception area.  
  
"Wait a minute if your all OK who's in the hospital."  
  
"Giles, Joyce come with me I'll show you." Jonathan took them through followed by John King, everyone else stayed in Reception. The four of them walked up to a room, the nurse let them through. They entered the room there a conscious Alex Harris was looking out the window. "Look there may be a problem, if he's distant then there's a reason. Hey Alex you've got visitors". Alex turned around To see a middle aged man and a middle aged woman coming in the room. The woman looked like an older version of Buffy Summers while the man was familiar from one of his memory flashes. The older man's face showed recognition surprise and Joy to see his de-facto son back from wherever he had been.  
  
"Giles??"  
  
"Xander. Oh my god Xander." Giles cracked a huge smile and was on the verge of tears, the same went for Joyce. Before they could do anything though John Spoke up.  
  
"Umm before you do anything Mr Giles. You must know that Alex has lost almost all of his memory he's been with me and my group for almost seven months. We don't know anything about his past or his friends. We hoped that you could shed some light on the matter."  
  
"Yeah and assuming you ma'am are Buffy's mother. I don't want to upset you or anything but what's her problem with me. What did I do to wind her up so much." Giles looked at Alex at that. "Sorry hanging around with John for too long." John tried to cover up a smile at that.  
  
"It's strange for almost six months I've been trying to figure out who and what I am. Now after two days in this town I know who I am and have got a few memories back. I remember some things but not much else."  
  
"Well there's not much more I can help with except show you the town and Willow or Buffy can do that."  
  
"Mr. Giles do you know a tall dark haired girl with an attractive face and body she seems familiar but I can't place her at all."  
  
"You probably mean Cordelia, she was your... I mean Xander's Girlfriend before he left. As Alex you might not feel anything for her, she works in L.A. now after a problem last year. She's not exactly what you call an intellectual titan but she helped us out once in a while and the two of you were very fond of each other but after you left we saw less of her but on the plus side she became a good person thanks to Xander's influence.  
  
"That sorts that out, oh one more thing Mr. Giles- Um was I ever involved with Buffy."  
  
"Not that I know of."  
  
"Ok then." The vision of Buffy in a raincoat faded from his mind.  
  
  
"Back to my question what did I do to annoy her so much."  
  
"Well about a year ago you were responsible for the loss of her boyfriend. She finally forgave you when she realised that you had helped her more than hindered. She then tried to find you but couldn't locate you anywhere. I guess now we know why."  
  
"So she did look for me. But that's still no excuse for her objections to Gabby."  
  
"Who's Gabby"  
  
"My Wife."  
  
  
Reception  
  
"His wife?" Exclaimed Amy who was again sat next to Steven and getting friendly.  
  
"Well soon to be ex-wife. We never got on after we got married, so we decided to break it off. We've been good friends ever since."  
  
"Wow this guys more of a stud than I thought." Said Faith, "Jonathan looked at her and she grinned at him- in a only joking he's got no chance look. "I mean a wife and now soon to be ex in a year that takes damn good or damn bad luck. She sat back into Jonathan's arms  
  
  
"Wow. That's nothing like the Xander Harris I knew since we were kids, so how did you all meet up with Xander."  
  
"Well we were walking down a road when a gang hyped up on drugs and he came and helped us out- that's when he lost him memory. He came with us and has been around ever since. The only thing about him was what was on his I.D. and a letter of apology to an unnamed person. I assume it's meant to be for you-Buffy."  
  
"It would have been. I drove him away after he almost killed by ex-boyfriend. I never realised how much he meant to me until after he had gone." This surprised the hunters because they had never figured that Alex could have done anything like that.  
  
The room.  
  
"Well I suppose we should go Alex, we're sorry we can't help."  
  
"That's Ok Mr. Giles. See you around. Could you send Buffy in I'd like to talk to her"  
  
The adults left the room followed by the teens. As he left John said to Alex "Those two make a nice couple don't they I wonder if they are at it together." He smiled and ducked a thrown pillow and left the room  
  
Giles and Joyce walked back out followed by the teens that had accompanied them. They split and returned to the group. Giles talked quietly to Willow and Amy while Joyce went to her daughter.  
  
"He wants to talk to you Buffy, the doctors say you can have ten minutes."  
  
Her daughter nodded passing through the two groups she gave a stare to gabby as she went through. Gabby only stopped going after her by a firm hand on her arm. She looked at rob and sat back down.  
  
"If she keeps doing that I'm gonna do her some damage."  
  
"Hey leave it there's nothing wrong- she's just a little jealous. I think she cares more for him than anyone knows. I think that she loves him and has realised it even though it my be too late."  
  
Buffy walked into Alex's room he sat up and looked at her,   
  
"So your Buffy. I wondered if I would get to meet you. Sorry about earlier but as you can see I wasn't totally myself."  
  
"Xander...Alex..."  
  
"Look If you want to call me Xander go ahead, it might help me remember."  
  
"Ok Xander I'm sorry but I just don't get on with your wife..." The jealous feelings started to surface and she couldn't stop the grimace from forming on her face. "That and other things that affect me. I can't help it."  
  
"It's Okay I'm surprised all of you are getting on in fact I'm surprised any of you are talking. I kind of remember everyone except- Faith is it. Everyone else I know."  
  
"Faith Only came here last year she wasn't around at the time." Buffy's feelings for Xander had surfaced again the moment she saw him. She remembered how he had left and was hoping he could forgive her.  
  
"Well that explains that." More flashes of this woman appeared before his eyes all bad things she did. "What's your problem with my friends anyway. I'm sorry if you don't like them but I also don't care.  
"I'm sorry Xander but overall I really don't like them. That gabby is just slutty and some of the others are just stupid or annoying. I don't want to be around them and I don't want the rest to either."  
  
  
"Well get over it." He said harshly. "Just whoever I was and whatever you thought of me and my friends have no relevance. If the others get on it has nothing to do with you."  
  
"That's unnecessary Xander. I can't help it you hurt me a lot."  
  
"I hurt you. You're the one who punched me, broke my ribs." She looked at him. "Yes I remember that bit fine, I remember all the things that you did to hurt me. And you have problems so does everyone else around here so get over it."  
  
"You almost killed Angel."  
  
"NO, No I didn't almost kill anyone, that Alexander Harris no longer exists. I have nothing to do with anything he did to you or anyone else. Out of the things I remember about him he was a sadistic and brooding little shit, who hurt everyone I knew and tortured Giles and almost killed me several times. Get over yourself and get a life. Stop getting so involved in yourself and do something." His anger was getting the better of him." I do remember some things, The Dance, shooting me down at Spring fling, Hitting me before I left- I remember everything you did to me- that maybe only a few hours out of my life but it's enough to remember you as the spoilt self absorbed little princess you are. So get the hell out of here and I never want to see you again."  
  
Her voice cracked. "Xander..."  
  
"My name is Alex how get the fuck away from me."  
  
Buffy ran away as fast as she could, running past the reception and through the doors faster than anyone could get to her. Everyone stared after her and at each other. Faith and Jonathan ran after her, the rest stayed behind with the Headhunters.   
  
"Ohh shit" they all said simultaneously  
  
  



	8. Part 8

Part 8  
Outside the hospital Buffy Stopped and slumped against the wall- it was quite early in the morning and there were very few people around. She felt a presence come up behind her- one she had known for a long time.  
  
"Buffy."   
  
"Cordelia."  
  
The pretty dark haired woman stood as tall and as regal as ever- even the loss of all of her possessions and being plunged in to poverty hadn't made her lose her edge. She didn't know why Cordelia was here, but it was likely to be something to do about Xander  
  
"It's good to see you again- how's L.A."  
  
"It's good, I'm working- with a vampire and a strange little Irish Guy but I'm getting by." She said stiffly, she had never forgiven Buffy for driving Xander away and had said so several times over the last fourteen months since Xander had left.   
  
"Why are you here?"  
"Angel asked me to do something for him, I had to come back to this dump to do it. Something Doyle saw said that I might be able to do something."  
  
"Doyle?"  
  
"The little Irish Guy I work with."  
  
"Then your not here about..." she trailed off as she saw the look in Cordy's eyes.  
  
"About what- to forgive you for driving him away- the only man who ever felt anything for me or I felt for them. Is that what you were going to say- slayer?"  
  
  
After a few seconds of silence Willow had finally made her way to Buffy And saw Cordelia looking down at Buffy who had sunk to the floor.  
  
"Cordelia?"  
  
"Hello Willow. It's good to see you."  
  
"How did you know that he was back, is that why you're here. I'll go and tell him. You are here about Xander right..."  
  
  
"Whoa- babble girl, what are you talking about. Why would I be here about Xander I haven't seen him in over a year. I don't know where he is...." Cordy looked at Willow who had a huge smile on her face.  
  
"He... he's back. Xander's back, he's alive."  
  
"Yes he's in there. He's being kept in overnight but he's back." Cordy ran past the two girls and into the hospital. Buffy just sits on the grass outside the hospital. Willow sits next to her trying to comfort her.  
  
"He only remembers the things I did to hurt him Wills, is it possible that that's all that his mind held after what happened of is there some part of the man I... I.." she trailed off.  
  
"You love him don't you." A voice came from behind them, they turned around to see Gabrielle Harris walk towards them both. Her eyes had a combination of anger at the hurt of her best friend and the sadness that she couldn't help him or this young woman who obviously had feelings for him.  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
"When did you realise you loved him."  
  
"He.." She sniffled "He saved me from an attack by a... a... lets just say a girl who didn't like me." She looked up at Gabrielle, "He looked at me with more feeling in his eyes than I had seen pointed at anyone. I realised soon after he left that was when I fell in love with him."  
  
"I See..." She sighed, "He's one of the only men that ever saw me for who I was, he married me for the wrong reasons though, we were attracted to each other for a while and one day we just got married- I suppose it was when we all graduated..."  
  
"He graduated that's great where from?" shrilled Willow, "He always did badly at school, if he graduated he must have done well."  
  
"We're all Military recruits we all just got through a new type of boot camp- we were given training in military aspects as well as stuff in case we leave the military. Alex was the best of us- he did as much as we had done in four years in fourteen months. It was like he already knew it all- but according to his records he never had ROTC Training or anything else like that. But unfortunately we were all rejected from the army and so we ended up here on a free scholarship from the army"  
  
With that Buffy and Willow looked at each other, they remembered Sgt Harris from Halloween it looks like the Sgt. Had Come back to see them. They thought about Graduation Day.   
  
*If Xander had been there maybe less of the class would have died. *  
  
*Only eight survivors  
Buffy Summers  
Willow Rosenberg  
Daniel Osbourne  
Cordelia Chase  
Faith  
Jonathan Levinson  
Amy Madison  
Shawn Ozman*  
  
"It's just as well he came along when he did, he saved us all from a fight we were having. We had already lost our commander in the fight, he had his throat slashed and all of a sudden Alex wades in and hits the guys with pieces if wood right across the chest and head. In less than a minute we had them all subdued and that was when we found out he had lost his memory."  
  
  
Inside the Hospital- Room 316  
  
"Giles"  
  
"Cordelia- why are you here is something wrong in L.A."  
  
"It it true- is he here."  
  
Giles sighed and removed his glasses, when he looked back up he had the biggest smile any of them had ever seen from him. Pure Joy eminated from his face.  
  
"Yes he's here, Xander's in room 316- He might be asleep."  
  
"IF the Geeks' asleep I'll jump on him to wake him up." Tears were pouring from her eyes, "He's back, the man I'm in love with is back" He was unashamedly sobbing now, Willow had just arrived back in and she walked up to Cordelia.  
  
"Cordy..." The Brunette twirled round and hugged her Redheaded friend, the last year before Cordelia had left for L.A. They had become friends- both of them had lost the first man they had ever loved. Gradually, slowly but surely the two of them had changed each other. Willow had eneded up looking older and more feminine by the end of the year and cordy's grades and intellect had increased exponentially. It seemed they both had what was needed in them but it took a little bit of work to get it out.   
  
"He's awake if you want to see him, but I have to warn you he's still got most of his memory missing. He may not remember you at all." Said John   
  
"His memory's gone??"  
  
"I'm afraid so although some of it has returned."  
  
"I don't care I want to see my Xander again."  
  
"Go right in then."  
Cordelia ran right past them all into Xander's room. There he was laying back conflicting emotions rolling across his face. He heard her footsteps and as he opened his eyes he saw a brunette goddess- someone that had meant a lot to him, and someone who he could remember from his dreams. Her ong hair, full lips, curvaceous figure and regal bearing.  
  
"Xan... Xander, is it really you."  
  
"I'm, I..." A rush of pain ripped through him and he almost fell out of the bed- memories both good and bad, the valentines spell, the bugman, their trysts in the cupboards, there real love for each other.  
  
"XANDDDEEERRR." She screamed and she ran to him, she barely caught him in time, he looked up at her and saw her eyes a pair that had haunted his dreams along with one other. *NO do not think of that she hurt you more than anyone else you remember this woman one who loves you and who you love the person who saw you for you.*  
  
"Cordelia??" he whispered quizically.  
  
The brunette jumped into his arms and kissed him, after a few seconds he responded deepening it. His memories were getting clearer about this young woman with him the times that they fought the times they made up the enjoyment of their banter over all those years   
  
"Oh god Cordy, I remember you oh I've missed you."  
  
"Xander you're back. Where have you been."  
  
"Around, I'mwith those people out there we're kinda army rejects."  
  
"Wow, I.. I've kinda started working for Angel now."  
  
  
"Who's Angel?, Wait a minute he was my best mate wasn't he."  
  
Cordelia's eyes widened at that.  
  
"Xander, You are Sick, you didn't like him at all, he had more neuroses than Oedipus and had as much charisma in his body as any other had in their little finger.  
  
"Oh THAT Angel. Why are you working for him you should be a model or an actress."  
  
"I'm at UCLA, studying Fashion I'd like stuff to fall back on if my acting never goes anywhere- and It's kinda thanks to you that I'm doing so well." She said as she held onto him again shifting so she was enclosed in his arms again. Both of them felt right in that position, the two of them felt more secure than they had felt in a long time."  
  
  
Buffy had never felt more insecure than she did now, she had found the man she loved more than anything and he had rejected her- she had never felt so far from anyone. She had had the chance a long time ago and had blown it for a brooding dark 'man'. She had let her adolescent feelings get in the way of her thoughts and had pushed away one of only two people that had ever seen her for who she was but had still stayed with her. She knew she was and had been a spoilt, stuck up, little bitch but had always assumed that her friends would stick by her- was she wrong or what.  
  
Flashback:  
Six months after Xander's disappearence  
  
Buffy had not seen Willow or Oz or any of the others in a while, sure she saw them in class or at school but for all purposes it was just her and Faith. Maybe that's the way it should be just the slayers without any help from anyone, no-one to have to look after, no one to save from death, no-one to...   
  
*to make you feel better when you need help.*  
*to save you from overwhelming odds.*  
*to love you for who you are no matter what.*  
  
  
"Hey B."  
  
"Hey Faith."  
  
"Whoa you look bummed what's wrong with you."  
  
"I miss my friends Faith, I pushed them and fought them and in the end it's just me on my own alone."  
  
"Hey you still got me." Faith sat next to her, looking around she saw that redhead and that brunette that always seemed to be avoiding B. She decided to take action about this.  
  
"I'll be back in a minute B I gotta do something."  
  
  
"OK Faith"  
  
  
As Faith disappeared she sat there alone and laid her head on her crossed arms, she listened to the music. Oz's Band the Dingoes were playing, she pulled her head up as they stopped and the resident DJ took over.  
  
"Here's a piece of music for all those of you out there who have other halves you miss and for those of you who have found you soulmates.  
The music started up and as it went on Buffy started to think of Xander more and more. The song personalised Xander completely and she again realised what she had lost and how again she had lost him.  
  
"Oceans apart day after day   
And I slowly go insane   
I hear your voice on the line   
But it doesn't stop the pain  
If I see you next to never   
How can we say forever"  
  
"Wherever you go Whatever you do   
I will be right here waiting for you   
Whatever it takes   
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you"  
  
"I took for granted, all the times   
That I thought would last somehow   
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears   
But I can't get near you now   
Oh, can't you see it baby  
You've got me goin' crazy"  
  
"Wherever you go Whatever you do   
I will be right here waiting for you   
Whatever it takes   
Or how my heart breaks   
I will be right here waiting for you  
I wonder how we can survive   
This romance  
But in the end if I'm with you  
I'll take the chance   
Oh, can't you see it baby   
You've got me goin' crazy"  
  
"Wherever you go Whatever you do   
I will be right here waiting for you   
Whatever it takes   
Or how my heart breaks   
I will be right here waiting for you"  
  
  
With the end of the song Buffy ran out of the bronze into the pouring rain and collapsed onto her knees outside sobbing,   
  
"Oh god Xander, I'm so sorry. I want you back, I need you back." She sobbed harder and harder and collapsed unconcious on the ground. She never noticed Her best friends run after her out of the club and pull her into a doorway. She had no memory of Giles appearing a few minutes later and pulling her into his car and taking her home, no memory of the whole gang- Willow, Cordy, Faith, Oz, Amy, Jonathan, Giles and her mother crowding around in her room and in the front room of her house waiting to see if she woke up. In her dreams she reran everything he had done for her and a future she wished she could have with him after four days the dreams stopped and she finally woke up  
  



	9. Part 9

Part 9  
  
Present Day- the morning after  
  
"Wherever you go Whatever you do   
I will be right here waiting for you   
Whatever it takes   
Or how my heart breaks   
I will be right here waiting for you"  
  
  
*Oh god, I wish I could tell him how much he means to me.*  
  
Cordelia finally walked out of Xander's room, after more than six hours alone with him she looked a little tired but had obviously slept well in that room *With Xander* Buffy had no right to Xander she knew that and Cordy had been his girlfriend before he had left and there was no way that he could be hers.  
  
  
She turned and left the building heading to her dorm, She didn't want to be there when Cordelia and Xander started getting all mushy, she didn't think she could stand that if they did. It had been over fourteen months but everything that she had done was still fresh in her mind  
  
  
"How could you, You knew and you let me kill him, you bastard!"  
  
"Stop, Wait..." he was pleading for his life and their friendshuip- she had not realised at the time that was the only time he was willing to keep it.  
  
"You want to know why? I'll tell you, I didn't want to die. Pure and simple, If I had told you, you wouldn't have fought and you would have died and so killing me, Willow, Oz and everyone else on this damn planet and for what so you could get back that Fucking Brooding Shit of a Vampire. Well I'm sorry for that but I chose the world over that bastard an over your problems."  
  
She had finally come to terms with the loss of two of the only men she loved and now the second of them had reappeared only a few months after the last one had gone for the last time. She didn't know if she could keep handling it her life was going to ruins and she had only just started college.  
  
"Hey Buffy"  
  
She looked up and saw the man she had hit with the book yesterday. What was his name.  
  
"Riley, in case you don't remember."  
  
"Oh right yes hello Riley." *Oh god I sound like a moron*  
  
*Inbred country Hick* Said a Xander voice in her mind as it did so she fought a winning battle against a snigger and a grin.  
  
"I was wondering if..."  
  
"I'm sorry Uhh Riley but I've got to get back to my dorm room, can we do this later."  
  
"Sure, I heard you collapsed at the dorm yesterday. It's just as well that Alex and his friends were there."  
  
"You know Xan.. er I mean Alex and his friends."  
  
"Yeah he's in one of the psych classes the same one as you I think. Why what's the problem. Hey where are you going."  
  
Buffy had started to run to her dorm even faster than she had been earlier, she opened the door and slammed it shut. Collapsing against it she slid down on her back until her knees were level with her chest and she stayed there.  
  
*No, he hates me and now we're in the same class and he hates me. What am I going to do. I can't do this.*  
  
She stayed there and again broke down and cried.  
  
  
  
Back at the hospital.  
  
"OK Mister Harris, you seem to be OK, you are free to go, all I can say is keep an eye on yourself it seems your amnesia is breaking down, maybe being in your home town has helped just make sure you are not alone for the next few days."  
  
"Don't worry Doc he won't be." Cordelia giggled into Xander's ear. He smiled at that.  
  
"You heard the lady Doc. I won't be anyway I'm at the university I don't think I'm on my own there for any length of time."  
  
"OK I'd like you back here in a few days for a check up but for now you're all clear.  
  
"Thanks Doc."  
  
"And call me Ben"  
Both groups left the hospital and made their way back to the University, Cordelia hanging off of Xander's arm and the other couples even Steven and Amy seemed to be getting it on.  
  
A few minutes went past with small talk and anecdotes, Alex covering his face as a few were directed at him. Cordelia and Gabrielle were talking as well every so often bringing their hands up as if measuring something, Stacy came into the conversation doing the same thing while Robbie, John and Alex were talking football or some such. John Was informing the Two other guys of the wonders of his favourite teams in the UK including the infamous Tottenham Hotspur. Every so often they heard something the girls said and cringed in emnbarressment.   
  
"Alexander Harris?"  
  
Alex looked up into the blue eyes of an attractive young woman about the same age as the groups.  
  
"Uh Hi.. My name's Leelee Finn. I was asked by my cousin to get you to see Professor Walsh as soon as possible she needs to talk to you about you partial credit for teaching the psych class."  
  
"OK Thanks Leelee. No offense are you really related to Riley"  
  
"My pleasure." She said looking him up and down. "and no not really I'm adopted."  
With that she left- leaving a little pissed off Cordelia.  
  
"She does that again I'll rip her tongue out and nail it to a fence."  
  
The guys looked at each other knowing what was coming *Hell Hath no fury like a woman's scorn.*  
  
"Hey Cordelia lighten up I'm not interested OK."  
  
"I am." replied Chip.  
  
"You'd bang anything on two legs and some on more." Replied John  
  
"Hey!!" Chip replied.  
  
With that the group went their separate ways except for Amy and Steve who had disappeared a few minutes before.  
  
Strangely enough everyone had forgotten about a certain Blonde Haired slayer of their acquaintance, no-one had given her a second thought as they all focused on the one man that they had given up for lost- Alexander Harris  
  
  



	10. Part 10

Part Ten  
  
Two months Later- The Bronze  
The two groups had recently become one- The Hunters and the Scoobies spent a good section of their time together, this was a little bit of a problem for the army group because they had to keep their lives separate from their army duties- there was a close call at Halloween but nothing they couldn't handle.  
  
Alex had started to remember a lot more of his life since that night, bits from his childhood up to the summer of 1997- he didn't really remember much else although one thing had happened that had shaken him a little,  
  
Flashback one month  
  
"So what now, film or beer run." Asked John King,  
  
"Beer Run" said Steve backed up by Robbie.  
  
"Yeah but you two drink more than George Best before the cup final."  
  
"Uh John a little too English don't you know" Said Alex with a laugh.  
  
The group kept up with the good-natured ribbing of their English companion, he had met Giles recently and the know it all of their group had met the other. Both of them were well-versed in ancient myths and legends and had both in fact read of each other at separate times.   
  
"Come on it's cute." Said Leelee.  
  
"That's only cos you have a thing for that friend of theirs." The scoobies looked at her with open mouthed expressions, Leelee turned red at this and shut up quickly.  
  
As they walked down the main road Alex broke off to use a phone, he said he would meet them at the dorm. He walked down the road when a closed fist punched him in the face. Her was surprised more than anything and went sprawling.  
  
"Well Well Well the food for nothing's back what's wrong the world too much for you." A drunken slurred voice said.  
  
"What the fuck." Replied Xander "Where the hell do you get off mister."  
  
"Oh Alexander's standing up for himself is he. He knows what he's gonna get."  
  
"Who the hell are you, how do you know my name."  
  
"Don't you recognise me boy. I knew you were stupid but this makes it all the better."  
Said the Voice  
  
"Look you piece of shit- get lost or I'll have to do something about you."  
  
"Oh you'd hurt you own father. Oh my whatever will I do."  
  
The man stepped forward and attempted to lay a haymaker on Alex, Alex however had over a year of combat training and other fighting techniques of four years of fighting for his life. He CAUGHT the man's hand in his palm.  
  
"I don't care who you are, you do not hit anyone especially if you have no reason to."  
  
The man pulled his hand away and tried to hit Alex again, this time Alex stepped in and used an open palm thrust to the man's sternum. A slight crack was heard and the man collapsed to the floor gasping. Alex pulled the man up by his hair and looked into the man's eyes, disdain and anger on his face.  
  
"I don't care who you are or what you think you can do to people but I am not your son- you come near me again a cracked sternum will be the least of your worries." He nose wrinkled at the smell of the man, he threw the man down onto his face and the man clutched his chest in pain.  
"And clean yourself up you piece of shit and maybe people will see you differently."  
  
Alex turned his back on the man and walked off, the man's anger was plain and he pulled a large knife out of his inside pocket ready to stab Alex in the back. A small hand reached out of the darkness and pulled the man's hand down with such force that he dropped the knife and clutched his damaged hand.  
  
"Leave him alone Mr. Harris, he's no longer the kid you knew. Hurt him and you'll have over a dozen people ready to rip you apart- me included."  
  
"You- you're that blonde bitch that Xander was so fond of."  
  
Buffy looked at him.  
  
"Xander's right clean yourself up or I'll be back to make you." She stalked off into the night- once out of sight she collapsed against the wall- she hadn't seen hide nor hair of Xander in a month she had barely seen anyone else including faith- she realised that again she was alone. She walked off into the darkness unaware that she was being watched by a old foe.  
  
"Soon slayer you will be mine and I'll destroy your boy-toy and then the rest of your little gang." Spike said to himself- "Soon!"  
  
  
Present Day  
  
"Well that was a..."  
"Bust."   
  
"Yeah but the film was alright"  
  
*Slap*  
  
The group were talking about a film they had seen, Jonathan and Alex were talking about the girls in it, Jonathan set up a joke with Alex and closed it just in time for their respective other halves to hear it and get a simultaneous whap on the head for it.  
  
"Hey." Said Jonathan to Faith "Slayer strength remember."  
  
"Yeah but you like my strength for other reasons."  
  
Jonathan went a little red but laughed it off easily, the group walked down the road together only a few were missing amongst them Robbie and Gabrielle. Although they knew what those two were up to it wasn't as much a secret as it was a 'We all know about it so just bloody tell us' as John had put it. The lot of them were giggling and laughing down the road although something felt a little strange to some of them it didn't seem to be too bad.  
  
"Xander I..." Started Cordy  
  
"Hmm"  
  
"Sorry Alex I..."  
  
"Don't be I'm beginning to remember being Xander, I'm gonna go back to it if that's OK with everyone."  
  
"Good to have you back Xander" said Oz  
  
"Good to be back man... AHHH." He clutched his head as a spasm of pain ripped through his head.  
  
"More memories." Whispered Cordelia to him, he nodded.  
  
*Jesse Turning to Dust in front of him.*  
  
*Kendra's dead body on the floor.*  
  
*Jenny's death.*  
  
*Holding Buffy after staking Theresa.*  
  
*Holding down his feelings during Valentines day.*  
  
*Holding her in the hospital.*  
  
*Xander? Welcome back Buff.*  
He gasped as it finished and he got his bearings, he had almost everything from the last four years back- bits were gone but some was there including his hatred for Angel and his overwhelming feelings for Buffy.   
  
His hatred for her...   
  
his love...   
  
I love Cordelia...  
  
Buffy...  
  
  
*Oh Hell*  
  
"I've gotta lay down." He said  
  
"OK guys we'll get him back, Cordelia, Guys you better get home he'll be fine we'll get him to the hospital tomorrow- he'll be fine."  
  
Then Xander's phone went off.  
  
"Xander Harris."  
  
"My Harris, I'm Chief Fire officer Bush." A female voice came over the phone I'm afraid I have some bad news."  
  
Xander listened to the phone his face turned from concentrated to fear to pain to devastation in less than five seconds, he let his hand drop and dropped to the curb. His face in pain  
  
"There's been an accident at the college."  
  
  
  
Ten minutes later.  
  
A half dozen men and women rammed through the door of Sunnydale general Hospital. First to the desk was Steven Austin.  
  
"Excuse me ma'am. We're looking for two people that were brought in twenty minutes ago."  
  
"Names."  
  
"Gabrielle Harris and Robert James."  
  
"Ahh yes one moment please."  
  
The nurse went to the phone and called a doctor to the group,  
"I'm looking for the Harris party."  
  
"That's us, Doctor I'm Steven Austin. Robbie and Gabrielle's best friend. The rest of the group's with my and Xander."  
  
"Ah Xander Harris. I remember you always coming in here with that Summer's girl."  
  
"Hello Doctor. How are they."  
  
"Would you come with me please all of you." He led the way into the next room.  
  
"Your friends were caught in an accident, a fire broke out in the hotel they were at. I'm afraid to tell you that Robert James died in the fire. The was dead before they got hi out of the building. I'm sorry."  
  
"What.." Xander clears his throat, "What about Gabby."  
  
"She was hurt seriously she won't live through the night. She's awake and coherent but she can't feel anything below her neck. I'm Sorry"  
  
Xander was devastated his friends were gone or were soon. He'd got all his old friends back and now he was going to lose two of his new ones.  
  
"Can we see her."  
  
"Only two of you and only for a few minutes."  
  
Xander and Robbie went through leaving the rest to comfort each other. The two men walked into the room , they saw Gabrielle looking out the window she was watching the stars. She saw their faces in the window and turned her head.  
  
"Hey guys."  
  
"Hey Beautiful." Whispered Xander to her, "What you up to."  
  
"I'm dying Alex... I'm dying and Robbie's already dead."  
  
"Hey it's not your fault."  
  
"I always thought it would be a demon or vamp that got me, except it was by my own stupidity. We had a log fire in the hotel one we,... we were going to use on our honeymoon in a few years. We fell asleep by the time I woke up Robbie was dead. I tried to get him out when something hit me from behind. I woke up with a severed spinal cord and a dead body."  
  
"I'm sorry Gabby, I really am."  
  
She started crying and Xander held her even if she couldn't feel it. Robbie left them for a moment so Xander could help her.  
  
"I always loved you Gabby even after all that happened, I wanted you to be happy with Robbie we knew about the two of you but never let on I wish we had."  
  
"Thank you Xander,I love you too you were my first real love but we made a mistake. I'm tired Xander I want to sleep."  
  
"Then sleep Gabrielle I'll hold you until you go." He meant everything he said.  
  
"Tell everyone that I love them Alex, I'll watch over you all from time to time both of us will. I'm going to sleep now Alex."  
  
Hey eyes drifted closed and he held her, within seconds the monitors all dropped to zero and beeped. He turned them off as the doctors came in. He kissed her on the forehead and Whispered to her.  
  
"Goodbye Gabrielle." He whispered.  
  
He walked out to the room and they all looked at him.  
  
"She's gone...."  
  
  



	11. Part 11

Part 11  
  
Two Day's later Sunnydale Cemetary.  
  
"Gabrielle Harris was my ex-wife but more than that she was my best friend, we may not have agreed on a lot of things but if I went too far she was always there to reign me in."  
  
The groups had all come to the funeral, even Buffy Summers was there albeit hanging in the back, Xander was up at the podium giving a eulogy on his ex-wife. He was visibly upset letting more of his feelings show than he ever used to- this latest tragedy had hit him hard with the memories of Jesse, Ampheta and Jenny all haunting him for the first time since his memory was lost. His newest memory was of Jesse turning to dust before him as his stake entered the vamp's heart.  
  
*IT WASN'T JESSE* screamed his rational side.  
  
His human side however still would not allow himself to forgive and forget what had happened in his life, he loved his ex-wife but now had realised that his heart that had not let him love Gabrielle with his whole being had managed to tell him why.- Buffy.  
  
He remembered everything he had done for the gang over the years, including facing down Angelus and saving Buffy from the Vamp Teresa. His love for her since he met her was now coupled by his anger and hurt of her hitting him and forcing him away, he was now surprised that his hate for her while not gone was diminished to bearable levels.   
  
"We were close for a long time, but when she found happiness with Robbie I was happy for her. I suppose I always wished that I could have given her the happiness she wanted so much. She finally got it even if she hadn't had long to experience it.  
  
I've lost many friends in my life, in Sunnydale in LA and others but after all of that I'll miss her the most. She was my friend, my lover, my sister and most of all the one person who always saw me for who I was. Thank you Gabby- Goodbye my friend"  
  
He stood down from the head of the coffin and knelt down close to the coffin he threw a rose into the pit and said a quick prayer. One by one the hunters and the scoobies all did the same, a few others that they knew were there- Leelee and Riley were both there, Riley was holding his little sister tight they had got close once Gabrielle had started to work on the genetics projects with her.  
  
"At least they're together Xander, maybe they'll be happier that way." Cordelia sidled up to Xander who was making an effort not to shed any more tears- he would have time alone later to do so.  
  
"I can't help feeling that if I had never married her then the two of them would have had longer together. Hell if I wasn't around then the two of them could have done so much more. But they thought it would be out of order, Hell I'm the one that got them together. I wouldn't have cared."  
  
Cordelia hugged him tightly, he was starting to break down.  
  
"Everywhere I go I hurt people, even if I don't mean it. I lie to people, break peoples hearts- I'm no good to anyone. I should leave and never come back."  
  
"NO." Cordelia yelled, she grabbed his face and looked into his eyes, the haunted and fearful look in his eyes scared her. She realised for the first time he was not the man she fell in love with- and he never would be again.  
  
"Cordy I..."  
  
"No Xander you listen to me." She looked at him and her expression softened, she pulled his face to hers and gave him a soft lingering kiss. His shaking started to lessen and finally stopped. "Whatever it is Xander let it go, you didn't do anything wrong."   
  
Xander couldn't accept it that way, Jesse's Death, Jenny left in Giles' bed, lying to his friends, the death of friends, of Ampheta. He had so much on his shoulders and now he blamed himself for Gabby and Robbie.  
  
"I can't I'm sorry Cordy, I just can't."  
  
Cordy just sighed and hugged her lover, he held her back. He knew he couldn't go on like this and he made a decision that may haunt him or repent him. He decided to talk to the one person that knew how he felt.  
  
The one person he hated...  
  
and loved...  
  
more than any other...  
  
Buffy Anne Summers.  
  
  
Summers Residence  
21:00 Zulu  
  
Xander Harris stood outside the Summers residence for the first time in 18 months, he remembers everything about his times there. Especially after the hospital incident- he knows no-one has any idea about that and they won't do if he can help it, he knows he has to talk to Angel soon and sort it out with him.  
  
Angel  
  
Funny how he feels no animosity and hatred towards his former nemesis, he just feel sorry and pity for the soul ridden vampire. He realises that Angel was a good man while he was an ally and maybe just maybe he knows what Angel feels when he can't be with Buffy. The old part of Xander Harris still remembers that and although suppressed is growing again, the protective instincts of his personality still throbs.  
  
He sighs- every one of the others are far superior to him in so much he feels- NO he knows he's still the Zeppo. If he knows it right he will still be pulled away from fighting to protect himself.  
  
No- Commander Harris takes over here, he is now the commander of an elite fighting unit, he will not allow them to hold him away. Commander and Xander Harris argue trying to take command when a slight female voice come out of the darkness.  
  
"Xander?" A small pretty dark-haired teenager comes out of the darkness, no more than thirteen years old. "Oh My God Xander is that you?" The voice becomes hopeful- the voice sounds like it hasn't held those feelings for a long time."  
  
"Hey shortstuff, how's it going." He grins as she runs at him launching herself and grabbing him and hugging him around the waist. She started to sob, he crouched down a little and pulled up her chin. "Hey What's wrong Dawn Patrol." He smiled at her and she held on around his neck.  
  
"I... I... M..Missed... Y... you so much." she sobbed more as he held her, "I...I can't believe your back."  
  
"Back and here to stay."  
  
A voice interrupted "You get away from my daughter now..." Joyce Summers had a large stick in her hands, ready to get rid of whoever or whatever had her daughter.  
  
"Mom Wait." Pleaded Dawn as Xander straightened up he looked at Joyce and smiled his lop sided grin.  
  
"Hello Mrs Summers, nice to see you again."  
  
Joyce looked closer at the stranger with the familiar grin, she wracked her brains at after a few seconds of confusion she saw it. His hair was shorter and he had a beard- but it couldn't be anyone else.  
  
"Xander..., oh my god."  
  
He walked towards Joyce while Dawn clutched at his hand afraid that this manifestation would disappear from her if she let go of him. He smiled at Mrs Summers who reached out and touched Xander's arm, pulling him into a hug.  
  
To say that was a surprise to Xander would be putting it mildly, he hugged back wholeheartedly, this woman had been a mother figure where his own had failed. He remembered everything that this woman had done for him over all those years.  
  
"It good to have you back Xander." Joyce said as she pulled back from him and his smile now encompassed his whole face even to the eyes. Eyes she realised seemed older than they should be.   
  
"It's good to be back Mrs S. I'm sorry I didn't come here sooner but I've had problems around here and I didn't know if I would be welcome."  
  
Dawn interrupted "You are always welcome here Xander no matter what happens this is a refuge for you. I... I heard what happened and why you went Xander, believe me when I say that the whole gang has been strangers to each other since you left. It looks like Angel was right for once."  
  
Xander looked at her with a strange expression.  
  
"He said that you were the key Guy the one person who held us all together without you they were just a collection of people- not friends just... I don't know. No one's been the same without you. Buffy worst of all."  
  
Xander stiffened and then relaxed he had just been reminded why he was even here tonight.  
  
"He told me something once- that he feared you most of all because you were the only person who could defeat him, who could destroy him. Because of who you are and what you could do."  
  
"What's that Dawn."  
  
"Take Buffy away from him."  
  
Time as it was stopped at that instant, Scenes of his life flashed before his eyes,  
  
His first meeting with Buffy... "Can I have You"  
  
The Bracelet... "To My Dearest Friend"  
  
The Spring Fling... "I just want to dance with you.  
  
The Resuscitation... "Welcome Back Buff"  
  
Inca Mummy Girl... "I had you to bring me back."  
  
He Staked Teresa...   
  
Time stood still, he stood alone in his thoughts. He could have taken Buffy, Could he? Was Angel right, did he love her enough and did she love him enough to be together, he legs crumpled beneath him and time resumed. He fell forward and supported himself with his arms, his last thought was of a Golden Haired Angel running to him.  
  
  
UC Sunnydale- Same time.  
  
Willow and Oz were sitting talking, Faith and Jonathan had disappeared to their rooms as usual. Others of the Scoobies and the Hunters were moving about, Amy and Steve were talking. Steve talking about his friends with every so often a small note from one of the others. The only person sitting on their own was Cordelia she sat looking out of the window.  
  
Leelee noticed and left Shawn on his own for the moment, Shawn had joined them after the death of Robbie. As an old friend of Willow and Xander's from SHS he was able to fit in straight away. Leelee had gone over to Cordy and was able to see she was crying, her eyes were red and she had a shredded tissue in her hand, the look on her face was of resignation.  
  
"Cordelia, are you OK."  
  
She sniffed and more tears started to fall, she looked up at Leelee and the younger girl saw despair in her eyes. Loss and pain clouded her soul to such depths that nothing else was visible.  
  
"Oh God Cordy what's wrong."  
  
"I'm going to lose him."  
  
"Who- Xander?? Why what's he doing."  
  
The brunette sniffed back more tears, she ran a finger along the light scar running down her neck where she had been caught by a vampire during graduation. She explained what she meant.  
  
"He blames himself for everything bad that's happened to any of us over the last few years, lying to Buffy. Breaking both Willow and my hearts hurting his friends, staking Jesse, almost killing others and now the loss of two of his friends he believes every time he's with someone he hurts them. He hurt everyone he's ever known and blames himself all the time."  
  
"He can't feel that, none of that is his fault." Piped up a new voice Oz and Willow had come over and sat to Cordelia's right with Leelee and Shawn on her left. Oz continued, "None of any of that was his fault. He's not thinking of doing anything stupid is he." he asked worriedly  
  
"No but she's going to take him from me, the only person who can."  
  
Oz looked at Willow and nodded.  
  
"Buffy." Whispered Willow.  
  
  
Summers Residence  
2 hours later   
23:15 Zulu  
  
  
"Excuse me coming through, I can't stop."  
  
15 year old Xander Harris was skateboarding through the grounds of Sunnydale High trying not to hurt anyone as he lost control. He had managed to get himself close to control when he saw something he could only describe as heaven-sent. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, slim, long blond hair incredible features of strength and fragility at the same time.  
  
Then he hit the post...  
  
Xander opened his eyes and instead of seeing blue sky and people standing around laughing he saw a ceiling and two blondes and a dark haired girl sitting across the room.  
  
"How long has he been back Buffy." Asked Joyce.  
  
"A few months Mom, he had lost his memory and came back with a bunch of new people. He didn't know any of us and when he did all he remembered of me was all the bad things I had ever done to him."  
  
Buffy started to tear up and looked out the window where the rain was coming down hard. She looked and her mother and sister and whispered slowly.  
  
"He hasn't talked to me in all this time, it's worse than when he was gone. I can't speak to him he won't listen to me and I just can't do anything but watch him from a distance." She started to sob. "He doesn't know how much I've needed him and how much I'm in love with him."  
  
"I think he does Buffy. We kind of told him you were falling apart without him, the way you all were, he knows how much you all need him and that you might not make it much more."  
  
They were surprised when the front door slammed, Buffy jumped up and opened the door in time to see Xander running down the road.  
  
Xander was running down the road, rain pelting him soaking him through his clothes, shirt sticking and trousers tightening around his legs. He did care anymore, all sensation had gone his mind was racing and he just kept running. The words and feelings were running through his mind, his love for Buffy, her own for him, the times that he had been there for her- protected her saved her life. His unconditional feelings towards her that he held back for so long so much even Willow and Buffy never saw it and that only one person had ever called him on.  
  
He finally stopped outside the gates to the campus grounds, he had to do something. He had to talk to someone and to do so he had to leave for a few days, he needed to talk to the one person he never thought he would ask help from, the person who called him on this love.  
  
  
Angel...  



	12. Part 12

Part 12  
  
22 hours later  
L.A.  
Angel Investigations  
  
Xander Harris walked into the offices of Angel investigations, no one seemed to be about and so he looked around. A voice spoke up behind him, a British accent reminiscent of Giles.  
  
"Hello I'm looking for Angel."  
  
"I'm sorry he's busy at the moment he's on a case. Can I leave him a message for you."  
  
"Yes Mr..."  
  
"Wesley Wyndham -Price, associate of Angel's."  
  
"Ok, tell him this to the word."  
  
"Maybe those cops can't stop you, or those orderlies but I'm game to find out- are you? Tell him that and tell him I'm staying at the hotel across the road Room 316. He'll know what that means."  
  
Wesley looked at this tall dark stranger and nodded his affirmation of the request, the young man left soon afterwards. From the office a smaller man came out.  
  
"Who was that Wesley."  
  
"I don't know Doyle but he seemed rather familiar, as if he had something to do with us all. I'll ask Angel what he thinks when he gets back."  
  
Doyle nodded and went back downstairs to Angel's den where he was researching the latest vision he had had. A picture of a large half demon, half-artificial person drawn by Angel to Doyle's description with one word and one set of numbers at the bottom.  
  
Adam..  
  
316...  
  
He sat down and started reading anything he could find about any of these terms but it seemed less and less likely that there would be anything they could find in the books. Wesley came down a few minutes later after having shut up shop.   
  
"Wes, I don't think there's anything here that we could find about this thing. I think it's gonna be human-made and so it won't be in here."  
  
"I suppose your right, maybe we should contact the Sunnydale group see if anything's come up there."  
  
A voice spoke up from behind them. "I think that would be a good idea." Angel stepped into the main area of the room. "Contact Giles and the rest with any luck we should be able to come up with something."  
  
"OK," Said Wesley as he got up. "Oh someone came in about 20 minutes ago looking for you, he said you can find him at the hotel across the road in room 316. He also left quite a strange message, cryptic if you might say."  
  
"Really what did he say."  
  
Wesley relayed the message and if vampires could turn paler then Angel did so, fear set into his eyes for the first time in years. "I've got to meet this guy. I'll be back in a few hours. Contact the Sunnydale group and get any info they have about this monster or anything weird maybe those Commandos we've heard about."  
  
With that he left the offices to meet with the one man Angelus, hell even Angel was afraid of.  
  
  
The Sunny-Side Hotel  
10 Mins later  
Room 316  
  
Angel knocked on the door and faintly heard a voice say "Come in." He opened the door and looked at the man sitting in the chair a gun pointing at his chest, behind the gun sat a young man he had not seen in a while, older, tougher and a lot more intimidating.  
  
"Xander Harris. Long time no see."  
  
"Hello Angel, believe it or not I'm glad to see you again. Especially since I'm responsible for your incarceration in hell."  
  
Angel looked at him and then at the gun, Xander switched on the safety and settled it in it's holster. He may be a fast draw but he needs the gun where he can get to it.  
  
"A little insurance in case I was wrong about you. I need your help Deadbo... Angel."  
  
"My help... Why?"  
  
"Because except for..., you are the only person who knows how I feel and you are the only person who can help me understand what's going through my mind. I think I know how you feel Angel and I need some help to sort myself out in my mind and my soul." Xander looked up at Angel "You don't have to help me but I would appreciate it if you could, I know you don't like me and I didn't like you but please Help me."  
  
"I don't know what I can do to help you Xander."  
  
"I'm not quite the same person you once knew Angel, I'm not the same person who forced you to the masters cave, and not the same person who stood Angelus down."  
  
Angel looked down at the floor, he shook his head. "I'm sorry Xander I can't help you." Angel moved towards the door and reached to open it.   
  
"Dawn told me what you said." Angel froze at that, closing his eyes he took a deep if unneeded breath. "She told me that you hated and feared me." Xander continued, "For the same reasons I hated you- apart from the whole vampire thing which was the main reason. You were a good person and a hell of a fighter when the gang in Sunnydale needed you."  
  
He stood up and walked up to Angel who turned around to meet the eyes of his former rival.  
  
"Angel I never hated who you are, I hated the whole demon thing and that you held the heart of the woman I was in love with but... but if there had not been Buffy between us then I likely would have been honoured to call you a friend and ally."  
  
To say Angel was stunned would be an understatement, the Xander Harris he remembered would never have said that to him. He had found a new respect for his   
  
*Friend... Ally... What were they now*  
  
Xander knew what the vampire was thinking and he responded in kind. He held out his hand and offered it to his former enemy.  
  
"I mean it Angel, you are one of the most honourable and loyal people I know, believe me I remember everything we argued about and everything that came along that pitted us against each other, but you were always there for Buffy and I know you love her. I never doubted that."  
  
Angel took the offered hand and shook it.  
  
"Xander, man I don't know what to say. I think you just described yourself more than me."  
  
Soul Ridden Vamp and Demon Hunter looked at each other with an understanding that had been reached and a new-found respect for the other  
  
"I suppose that's something that always had us fighting, we saw too much of ourselves in each other and why we both had such a had time without Buffy. She sure knows how to pick 'em." Xander grinned  
  
Angel laughed as well, for the first time in over 250 years he laughed a heartfelt laugh. One he never thought he would ever do again.  
  
"I think your right about that Xander, we are alike more than I thought possible. What now then."  
  
"I think we need to talk Deadboy." He said with a twinkle in his eye  
  
"Don't Call me that." He smiled back  
  
The two sat down on chairs in the room and started to talk- as allies and as friends- friends neither had ever thought they would have.  
  
  
Angel Investigations  
Dawn Next Morning.  
  
Angel ran into the office just as the first rays of sunlight started to stream into the hallway. An amused Xander quickly followed him. The trenchcoat that Angel was wearing was smoking a little.  
  
"Deadboy I didn't think you smoked."  
  
"Only while Sunbathing." Angel Grinned, that response floored Xander. He never realised Deadboy *Angel* he reminded himself had such an ironic sense of humour- just another thing to make them more alike.  
  
The answering machine was flashing, Xander pressed the button, a few different messages were there, one from a female detective with the LAPD, two from the landlord and then came two that almost froze them both. The first was from Cordelia- she sounded devastated and tired beyond belief.  
  
"Wesley, Doyle, Angel, If any of you talk to or can contact a young man called Alexander Harris call me at 555-9087-887."  
  
The last was from Dawn Summers.   
  
  
This message scared them out of their life or unlife.  
  
  
  
"Angel If you get this or if you end up talking to Xander. I know he's gone to see you. Please both of you get your asses over here as quickly as possible..."   
  
The two men looked at each other fear in their eyes, at the last words on the tape.  
  
  
  
"Buffy's collapsed."  
  
  
Sunnydale Hospital  
1h:30 mins later  
  
"Mrs Summers. I'm Doctor Wilson the doctor in charge of your daughter's care."  
  
Joyce looked up at the doctor and nodded, the doctor sat down next to her and spoke quietly to her. The older woman looked tired and worry lines spotted her face across her mouth and forehead, red and grey circles ringed her eyes, tear streaks ran down her face and her posture was one of resignation.  
  
"Your daughter collapsed of Physical and mental exhaustion, with her weight loss and her mental condition she was lucky this didn't happen sooner. Her entire body just shut down from abuse she suffered, do you have any idea of what might have caused this to happen to her..."  
  
Angel's Car   
Same time  
Sunnydale City Limits  
  
Xander Harris was cursing himself for his actions, if he hadn't had been such an arsehole to Buffy then maybe she would not have been in such a bad condition as she currently was. He looks out the window with hooded eyes, the car he had borrowed from Angel with the promise he would call him as soon as he had news about Buffy.  
  
"Dammit! I've done it again- hurt someone who cares for me." He was punishing himself, he half shut his eyes as he took a deep breath and then almost messed himself when a person appeared in the middle of the road. He swerved missing the figure by only inches and then slammed on the brakes.  
  
"Shit- Dammit." His knuckles were white as they had tightened around the steering wheel. He slammed his palms against the wheel and whipped around as the figure walked up to him.  
  
"Well I can see why you might be necessary to the cause and why Angel might be afraid of you."  
  
Xander looked at this stranger and studied him, leather Jacket, Pork pie hat and a bad Hawaiian shirt that would have been at home in the old Xander's wardrobe. The figure was a little on the small side and something felt a little off about him.   
  
"Your not human are you..." a name sprang into his mind from a conversation he Willow Buffy and Giles had had the night before he left. "...Whistler."  
The balance demon's eyebrows rose slightly in surprise and then nodded, he opened the door to the car and sat down. He nodded to get the car started, Xander obliged and resumed his journey to Sunnydale.  
  
"So you know who I am Xander."  
  
"Yeah, I know about you- cryptic guy probably taught Angel all he knows about that right?"  
  
"Yeah, Look kid I don't have much time for this but you have sent a who load of the balance out of whack. The loss of a slayer and the repercussions could be serious, you have to sort this out and now or we are in R triple D."  
  
"R triple D??"  
  
"Really Deep Doo Doo"  
  
Xander nodded his head and looked at the Demon in the passenger seat.  
  
"I'm going to, I sorted out a lot of my problems last night while talking to Angel. I think I understand him well enough now. I respect him and I hope he'll be around again, if not well he can still help when he's needed."  
  
"Good for you kid, just sort this out, we're gonna need everything we can pull together for the upcoming battle and the Slayer will need to be at full strength otherwise the rest of you can say goodbye to your mortal asses, cos when it comes to it all of you will die or some of you will survive. That will be up to those of you left by then Mr. Harris- and you will be the one to choose when it comes to the end."  
  
With that Xander slammed on the brakes, he whipped around in his seat but the demon had disappeared into thin air.  
  
"Cryptic asshole." He growled and floored the accelerator, as he faded out of sight Whistler stepped into the middle of the road and let out a small smile.  
  
"Good luck kid, you'll all need it."  
  
  
  
Sunnydale hospital  
1 hour later  
  
Willow and Dawn were talking about how they may be able to help Buffy when she recovered when the doors to the corridor slammed open. Xander ran into the room and almost slammed into the railing in the waiting area.  
  
"Old Habits die hard, Xand??" Willow smiled to him.  
  
"Where is she Willow??"  
  
"She's in room 121. Xand be careful she's in a bad way."  
  
"I've seen two of my friends dead in one week, Wills I'm not letting a third go no matter the reason. Especially because of my mistakes." He walked up to the door of Buffy's room and walked in, on the bed looking pale and wane. Her eyes' moving restlessly under her lids, her lips grimacing as if her thoughts were pulling her in two. Fasts clenching holding onto the sheets. Legs shifting around body trembling, she was in the depths of hell like no other could be, a hell created by her own thought- her own feelings and all because of him.   
  
He moved slowly to the bed and brushed her hair away from her face, the trembling and restless motions subsided and she started to calm under his ministrations and after a few seconds the motions under her eyes slowed and turned into stillness. She would now for the first time in so long have a restful sleep, and he was going to be there watching her while she did just like he had done so long ago.  
  
Pulling a chair up to the bed he sat down pulling one of Buffy's hands into his own he sat and brushed his thumb across her hand, the look on her face shifted to a small smile- one to Xander that seemed to show her youth and the innocence that she had lost so long ago. He smiled back and brushed the back of his unclasped hand across her cheek softly, the movement behind her eyes resumed but this time slowly and softly, she was having good dreams. Xander looked at her and slowly drifted off to sleep his head resting lightly next to her own, he fell asleep a smile on his face at more at peace than he had been for such a long time.  
  
  
Unfortunately outside the door a tall brunette stood and watched her love as he looked after his best friend, her worst fear had become real and she had lost the only person that had made such a difference in her life. He only person who had taken her for who she was and had not judged her for who she had been and who she was now.  
  
With that Cordelia Chase turned around and walked out of the hospital...  
  
And out of the lives of the Scooby Gang...  
  
  
End Part 12  
  
  



	13. Part 13

Part 13  
  
Sunnydale Hospital  
The next morning  
01:00 Zulu  
  
Both Xander and Buffy were still asleep after almost 20 hours, Xander was still  
in his position of sleep and Buffy looked rested even though she was still  
asleep. A glow had returned to her skin and a smile was on her face- one of  
contentment, from outside looking in through a window stood Willow, Giles, Oz,  
John and Stacy, Joyce and Dawn had been here earlier but once they had seen  
Xander asleep next to Buffy they had been persuaded to go home and get some  
rest, they would be called as soon as the others woke up. Chip Masters walked  
up to his friends and whispered into John's ear and then Stacy's. They both  
nodded and left with him, their places were taken by Faith and Jonathan. Faith  
looked concerned and Jonathan was doing his best to make her feel better,  
Faith's thoughts were all over the place.  
  
*That could have been me* she thought, *If I hadn't let everyone help me after  
I killed the deputy mayor I could have lost everything.*  
  
She looked down at the young man she was sidled up to, he wasn't much but he  
was hers. Everyone at SHS had put him down or hurt him even to the point of  
Suicide at one point, but the scoobies had helped him and had taken him in as  
one of their own.  
  
Two of a Kind, misfits in a hellmouth- ridiculed and pushed away by all that  
knew them- except a few teenagers and a middle aged librarian. People who would  
become their family and friends and which would lead them to each other as lost  
souls. Maybe they saw parts of lost friends I them and were trying to make up  
for it in some way. Instead of pushing them away or hurting them, all of the  
gang had welcomed them with open arms.  
  
They had both had chances to be more than they had ever believed, their  
feelings ad emotions were encouraged. Friendships with others in the gang were  
both freely given and eagerly taken but the duo. Buffy had taken Faith under  
her wing as the experienced slayer, while Willow and Oz and taken the quiet  
Jonathan and new recruit Amy under their wings.  
  
The group had held together during this tenuous time, only through the  
friendship of the three newcomers. Those three had become fast friends and  
through them the expanded Scooby Gang had persevered, the effect on Faith was  
not small in any way.   
  
Then one day she started to cry, she was on patrol thinking about everything  
and she had begun to cry. She never saw the vamp until it had already flipped  
her and held her down. It bit into her neck and began to feed, she had never  
felt a more painful experience in her life. It started to get dark, for the  
first time she was afraid to say goodbye her life was going well and she had  
friends and loved ones- real not people that wanted anything from her- just to  
do what she could. She closed her eyes-then all of a sudden it stopped, the  
teeth were gone as was the pain. Slowly painfully she opened her eyes and as  
the grey lifted she saw him.  
  
Stake in hand Jonathan stood over her, like her own White Knight, he had jabbed  
the stake into the heart of the vamp and dusted it, he offered Faith his hand  
and helped her up. Then just like before she burst into tears and almost  
collapsed, he held her up and just held her until she stopped crying. By that  
time the shoulder of his shirt was soaked but he just held her until she  
finished, it was then she realised this was someone she trusted, he had seen  
her in a way that she had never let anyone see.   
  
Vulnerable...  
  
Scared...  
  
Alone...  
  
She looked up at him and in his eyes she had seen something that she had never  
seen before in anyone- affection for her, companionship, friendship, caring.  
  
Not Lust, Not raw sex- just a young man telling her she has someone she can  
talk to, can let herself be free with.  
  
Someone who will never judge her.  
  
He had held onto her and instead of taking her back to her motel, he had taken  
her to his house, his parents were away again, just like so many parents in  
Sunnydale. He took her up to his own room and set her down onto his bed, within  
seconds she was fast asleep and he watched over her like Xander was doing now  
to Buffy.  
  
The next morning she had awoken to find him asleep on a chair next to the bed,  
sometime during the night their hands and entwined and for the first time in  
memory she felt a peace with herself that no one had ever brought her. She just  
watched him, he was always cute and maybe he may be the one to change her  
mindset.  
  
Want... Have... Take... Dump...  
  
But with this guy maybe it's Want... Take... Keep hold of...  
  
As she watched him he gradually stirred and awoke, he moved his head up shaking  
it to clear the cobwebs and looked into a pair of the most revealing eyes of  
anyone he had ever met. He could see into the depths of her soul and saw her  
pain and her happiness both aimed at him, she smiled a shy smile at him and  
broke the gaze.  
  
From that day on they had never been apart, except from when that moron Wesley  
arrived to take Faith on as his slayer. He had attempted to break up the  
relationship between them, but a small demonstration with a pair of bolt  
cutters and a pair of vampires soon put paid to his attempts.  
  
Their companionship and friendship had held them together throughout their  
trials and tribulation of the last year. They had made an effort not to exclude  
any of the others but sometimes they just had to be alone. Amy had felt it  
coming for a while- just waiting for Faith to see Jonathan in the way she  
always should have.  
  
The same way they the original Scooby gang should have seen each other,  
Jonathan had taken on the role of heart of the group. Never trying to replace  
their old friend but being a different type of heart, one that shy and careful-  
but always doing the same thing as Xander had done.   
  
Hold the heart of a slayer in his hand.  
  
Finally the day before The Prom they had started talking about how things had  
effected them of the last few months. She had come to visit him at home, after  
being let in she had made her way to his room there she found him in quite a  
state.  
  
Jonathan had been questioning most of his moves over the year including his  
suicide attempt that was stopped by Buffy. This horrified Faith that her best  
friend could have been so down as to even try it, she took his hand as he  
started to tell her everything. All the way from elementary school up through  
High School- with only Xander, Jesse, Willow and Amy sticking up for him at any  
time.  
  
He started to break down at that point, it was also at this point that Faith  
realised that he had been there for all the Scooby Gang members at every point  
over the year, but they had never asked or wondered how he was doing. How his  
life was, his feelings, his hopes and dreams. She started to get upset at this  
thought and the two of them started to cry in each other's arms. He had held  
her and she had held him, until the two of them gradually fell asleep arms  
wrapped around each other.   
  
Waking up the next morning the two of them had finally made a last connection  
that they needed, it felt right and good to be in the arms of someone that  
wanted nothing back. In that second she had reached up with her head and kissed  
him, pulling back after a second with a horrified look on her face... Had she  
gone too far with her best friend, in shock she had pulled away and started to  
leave for the door when a hand grabbed her arm. Jonathan had pulled himself up  
next to her, gently turning her around he had traced a tear coming from her eye  
with his fingers. Wiping it away he pulled her closer and kissed her firmly.  
  
Everything they knew had been changed in those few seconds, the kiss had ended  
with the two of them panting for a breath. She had smiled a shy smile and  
Jonathan who had pulled her towards him smiled back and hugged her tightly.  
  
That night at the Prom he had taken her, he had appeared at the Summers house  
where she was staying in a Black Tuxedo. When he had seen her his mouth almost  
audibly hit the floor, Oz and Shawn who had also been there for Willow and Amy  
had close reactions. But as usual the only way they knew Oz's reaction was the  
raised eyebrows, their dates looked incredible. Willow in a fiery red silk  
dress that matched her hair which was tied up with a Ruby encrusted headband- a  
gift from Cordelia a few months back. Amy in a Satin Blue low cut floor length  
gown a long chained Sapphire necklace adorning her neck and last down the  
stairs walking an a manner that almost had Jonathan fainting dead away was  
Faith. In a low cut, strappy dark green dress, her long dark hair cascading  
down her shoulders and an emerald choker across her throat.   
  
The look on his face made the entire thing worthwhile...  
  
  
Faith mentally shook herself from her recollections and looked back into the  
room, both Xander and Buffy were waking up and she wanted to see it when they  
did. Her boyfriend pulled her a little closer and she had no problems with that  
at all, she sighed and rested her head on his- knowing that she had someone  
that she didn't deserve and that he would always be there for her- she just  
hoped that she would never make the mistakes that Buffy had made about her best  
friend and loved one.  
  
  
Inside the Hospital Room...  
  
Buffy Summers came to for the first time in over 24 hours, her dreams had been  
horrible for quite a while. She had seen Angelus destroy her family, kill her  
friends until Xander had been the last left. Xander staked Angelus and killed  
the demon. She had run to him and hugged him tightly not letting him leave her  
again, then a sharp pain had hit her. She pulled away and looked down, a stake  
was stabbed into her heart right through to the other side, she clasped it and  
looking up saw Xander's face shift into Angelus' demonic game face.  
  
Running through her mind foremost was the dream running of her hurting Xander  
that day, and the way that he had finally snapped. Her dreams became more and  
more disturbing, time and again she hurt him and one day he had not just  
snapped the way he did but had killed her and her family. Becoming a vampire in  
some and in some just dying and coming to take revenge. Every time it was here  
that had killed him or driven him away... the dreams had almost crippled her  
mentally after all the time she had had them- first the months after Xander had  
Left and then again when he had come back, the dreams were killing her  
poisoning her spirit, destroying her soul...  
  
That was until something happened- a cheerful calm came over her and the dreams  
had changed. The new ones were of her family and friends before the incident  
and before she had driven away the man she had fallen In love with so long ago,  
he had held onto her for a night and had said he would never leave her as long  
as they lived.  
  
As the world around her came into focus she realised she was in a hospital  
room, she brought her hands up to her face when she found a hand still clasped  
to her own, she looked to her left and saw the young man of her dreams sleeping  
next to her.  
  
"Xander..." she whispered softly, she brought his hand up to her cheek and felt  
the fingers as she pressed them to it. Slowly she raised it to her lips and  
kissed his hand softly. She knew she may never have this chance again, so she  
took it while she could. Smiling she brushed her lips across his forehead and  
pressed down. He started to mutter in his sleep- it looked like he was trying  
to wake up, he started to say a few words but they were mostly gibberish- until  
a half sentence came out.  
  
"...ove you Buffy... Always h... ill..."  
  
She smiled at that- she had missed him for so long, realising the old saying of  
Ships Passing in the Night definitely applied to the two of them. As she sat  
there she heard a faint song from a radio outside the room. She listened  
closely and realised it summer her feelings up completely.  
  
  
  
  
"No I can't forget this evening, or your face as you were leaving  
  
But I guess that's just the way the story goes  
  
You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows yes it shows  
  
No I can't forget tomorrow, when I think of all my sorrows   
  
And I had you there but then I let you go   
  
And now it's only fair that I should let you know  
  
What you should know  
  
I can't live, if living is without you, I can't live, I can't give anymore  
  
I can't live, if living is without you, I can't give, I can't give anymore."  
  
  
  
"Well I can't forget this evening or your face as you were leaving  
  
But I guess that's just the way the story goes  
  
You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows yes it shows  
  
I can't live, if living is without you, I can't live, I can't give anymore  
  
I can't live, if living is without you, I can't live, I can't give anymore  
  
  
  
If living is without you."  
  
  
"I can't live without you Xander, please remember me as you once did, as  
someone who once loved me and as someone with whom I know I love. I can't be  
without you again Alexander Lavelle Harris and I'll be damned if I let you go  
again." With that she closed her eyes to hold back her tears.   
  
"I'll be damned before I let you go. She sobbed  
  
"You call me by my middle name like that again and you may have to." an amused  
voice spoke up Buffy's eyes sprang open as she heard it and shot upright in her  
hospital bed shock and surprise painting her features, sitting up next to her  
looking at her was Xander. Not the hard man Alex Harris she had seen all this  
time but a different kind of Xander Harris a combination of both Xander's she  
knew, the fighter and the friend. The Soldier and the Knight of old, with all  
that came with both of him.  
  
She looked into his eyes and saw almost all the old love, affection and  
feelings- things missing since they had found each other again after so long.  
  
"Xander..." Buffy started.  
  
"Buffy it's Okay, I've kind of sorted it all out. I remember everything now, I  
don't know how it's going to go on Buffy but I want you as my friend again. I  
hurt you more than you ever did to me and I'll never forgive myself for making  
you suffer so much these last few months but I promise you I will never let  
that happen again."  
  
Buffy started to cry at this point, but unlike the multitude of tears she had  
cried over Xander since that night so long ago these were tears of happiness  
and joy. Tears that let out the last of her hurt and let in the pure  
unadulterated happiness she had missed in so long since the loss of one of the  
most important parts of her life. A pair of muscular gentle arms wrapped  
themselves around her and pulled her towards him, Buffy snuggled her head into  
his chest and sighed.   
  
She remembered all those times he had done this for her and always was there  
for him- never asking for anything and always giving all he could for her. If  
she had seen that from the beginning maybe so much of what happened would never  
have occurred and people would still be here. Jenny, Teresa, the old Xander-  
not the new one, she never thought she would lose him in any way, always  
believing that he would be there for her no matter what.  
  
  
She had been so wrong it was almost funny, so much she thought she knew about  
him was so little of what he really was and who he had been. The fight had just  
been the last straw he was willing to take from her-she remembered that last  
day so well after all this time because up until now it had been the last day  
she had felt alive.  
  
  
The Last Day  
July 1998  
3 hours after the fight  
  
Buffy Summers was curled up on her bed in a foetus position, she was shaking  
with her sobs. She felt like she was being pulled apart in so many directions,  
shaking even more as she thought about what she had done in the last two days,  
she had sent her love to hell and cut off the person who kept her feeling  
human.   
  
*Why do I do these things.*  
  
The answer to the first was simple, she had no choice- if she had not the world  
would have ended that night. She loved Angel, loved him almost enough to  
forsake her calling and let Angelus run riot- her love for him would put her at  
loggerheads with the only other person in the world that could make her see  
what was happening. He would drill into her that they were different people:  
Angel and Angelus but at the same time confirm her calling in her mind, so why  
did she blame him for what he did. He did what he had to, to save the world and  
everyone here. It may have been partially jealousy- but Xander Harris had  
rarely done anything for his own gain and most of the time he did that he still  
saved others no matter what he had to do.  
  
Buffy rolled over tear tracks and red circles covering her eyes and cheeks, her  
eyes glazed as if seeing things that weren't there, only Buffy and the fates  
knew what was running through the mind of one Elizabeth (Buffy) Anne Summers.  
Slowly her eyes closed and for the first night of many would not dream of her  
lost Angel but of her lost friend and loved one- Xander Harris.  
  
He loved her unconditionally had done for so long, she had always cared for him  
but she was not willing to lose her friends through an ended relationship and  
had held her feelings back in a part of her heart that she held locked away  
from herself and from the world. Unfortunately he kept doing things that would  
build up that part, the bracelet, his saving her life several times over, his  
just comforting her during Angelus' reign of terror -until one day it simply  
overflowed- that day had been today.  
  
For a long time afterwards Buffy Summers would find that that night was the  
night her heart shifted from one extreme to another. From the dark and black to  
the light and the White.  
  
Her White Knight...  
  
  
And it would take a long time for her to admit this to anyone- including  
herself, and even longer to admit it to the men she once loved, first one and  
then later the other.  
  
  
  
Hospital Room  
  
Buffy finished whispering her confession into Xander's ears, and pulled away  
from him. The shock and confusion on his face was evident, he had never even  
thought that she had been through so much that day. After his attack on her and  
his disappearance he had thought that she would be glad to see the back of her  
betrayer, of the person who had caused her the greatest pain.  
  
There may even have been a part of him that had lied to her about the spell in  
order to make her feel as much pain as she had made him feel for two years. The  
spring fling, the dance, all that she had pulled on him in those years wrapped  
up into one big parcel, Xander Harris hated the part of himself that ever could  
have done something like that to one of his best friends- let alone the woman  
he loves.  
  
He doesn't know if that was part of his reasoning, he still remembers almost  
nothing of those two days, all he remembers is the pain he gave and the pain he  
got. His own fault and her own fault, both of which he is solely to blame for.  
  
  
"Xander, please say something to me even if you still hate me at least let me  
know." Buffy begged him to do something, anything to break this gap between  
them.  
  
So He Did...  
  
He reached over and held onto her again, this time letting her know that he was  
going nowhere, no matter how this ended up. She was going to know how much he  
cared for her and how much he still needed her, she relaxed into the embrace  
and he just held her for a while.  
  
Outside the room the assembled looked on, Faith turned to Jonathan and kissed  
him, Oz and Willow just held onto each other a goofy grin on both faces (Oz's  
included- WOW huh). Lastly Giles and Joyce (who had arrived a few minutes ago)  
were locked in a deep kiss that was embarrassing and sickening Dawn who was  
standing as far away as possible.  
  
The happy couples looked back into the room to see the two heroes just hugging  
each other, both seemed a little hesitant to do anything else. It was sending  
Xander nuts and so he broke it but telling her about his little trip.  
  
"I spoke to Angel, Buffy." He said  
  
Buffy slowly pulled away at that, she looked him in the eyes and motioned for  
him to go on. He took a breath and looked back into her eyes.  
  
"Dawn told me what Angel said about me, and you. So I decided that he was the  
only person who knew what I was going through, both about you and about the  
things I did. He helped me and I think we're alright- we talked, mainly about  
you and about the dark things we had both done. Kinda like confession for  
non-Catholics, we both had a lot on our minds and we just talked and talked."  
  
Buffy lowered her eyes, she couldn't believe it, her ex-beau and her former  
best friend had hated each other for a long time. She knew about the time he  
forced Angel to take him to the Master's Lair, she also knew about all the face  
downs and painful experiences they had put on each other. To hear that the two  
of them had sat down and had a meaningful conversation that did not end in  
death for one or the oth... Buffy's head shot up and looked at Xander.  
  
Xander grinned and answered her unasked question.  
  
"No I didn't kill him, he's fine and he's still worried about how your doing.  
Your spell still works over all us menfolk Buffster."  
  
She giggled at that and returned the look in his eyes back to him, Xander began  
to speak, telling her of the conversation he had had with Angel. About how  
Angel started to speak to someone for the first time in over a century, Xander  
told how he hated what he had done to his friends and the guilt about his  
secrets. About how Angel proved he had a sense of humour and a sense of Irony  
that equalled his own, the jokes and tales that they had shared.  
  
Angel's face at finding out that Xander had been married and his pity when he  
found out about how she had died. Xander listening to Angel telling him about  
the love he had found with Buffy and with Darla to an extent.   
  
Xander admitting to the vamp how scared and how determined he was when he  
fought Angelus, Angel admitting that Angelus and Angel had been afraid for the  
first time in 200 years when they had faced Xander Harris all those times. The  
two of them had created a friendship and understanding that would continue for  
as long as one or the other was alive. Last of all Angel had given his blessing  
to Xander for his relationship with Buffy knowing that Xander would be the only  
person that could make her truly happy.   
  
"It has taken me a long time Buffy, but I'm almost back- I will be here for as  
long as you need me. I still love you Buffy but give me a little time. You will  
not regret anything you have told me."  
  
Buffy nodded and looked at him with a small but heartfelt smile and giggled a  
little, Xander was puzzled by this act and it obviously showed.  
  
"Speedos." She said simply.  
  
"Ah I see." he replied, then decided to make an attempt "You just want me for  
my manly figure and voracious manliness. Hah I've got you number now slayer  
What was it again 555-HOT-SLAYER."  
  
Buffy's face dropped at that, Xander smiled back letting her know that Xander  
Harris was coming back and had a year of catching up to do. He got up off the  
bed he had sat on and looked to Buffy still holding his hand.  
  
"I'm gonna go Buffster. Get some sleep you need your rest I've given you enough  
sleepless nights over me."   
  
"Be careful Xander, I've just got you back I don't want to lose you again." She  
pleaded.  
  
"I will Buffy, I will. I've got to talk to a few people but I'll be back." He  
looked a little sad and Buffy realised that he would have to tell Cordelia  
about what was going on, even though it would be the most difficult thing he  
would ever have to do. He loved Cordelia and had done for a long time- she just  
hoped that he could do something about it.  
  
"I love you Xander."  
  
"Love you too Buffy. With that Xander opened the door and left, Buffy was  
asleep less than a minute later.  
  
End Part 13  
  



	14. Part 14

New Characters.  
Agent Steven Peterson (Steve Howe) (Looks like Mark Dacascos)  
  
Part 14  
Lowell house  
19:00 Zulu  
  
The lift to the top of the Initiative headquarters finished its journey, out  
stepped Xander Harris accompanied by John and Stacy King- with Steven Peterson  
behind them.  
  
Steven Peterson was a member of the Initiative's psychological welfare  
department, he was assigned to the Hunters on a temporary placement to assess  
the mental competencies of the commanding officers and team members of the  
unit. The young man was well known by many of the teams currently inhabiting  
the secret base and had readily been accepted by members of the team.  
  
He however knew this was going to be a difficult mission for him to perform, he  
had never been close to any of the members of the team of the civilian whom had  
been killed by the HST. The only one he had known well had been the professor,  
she had been his direct superior before their transfer from The Pentagon to  
this facility. She had been the psychiatrist on duty during the worst night of  
his life.  
  
The one where he had almost died...  
  
That night he had been stalking a vampire pair to find their headquarters, he  
was dressed in black and used his martial arts training to keep the sound of  
his movements to a minimum. He was looking for the lair of a new master vampire  
in the area, latest news was he was in an old abandoned neighbourhood in The  
Bronx. It was his job to find them, he trailed the group to a small park- there  
all hell broke loose, a pair of teens had erupted from the bushes and proceeded  
to stake every leech in the area. The cat was out of the bag and he had decided  
to help them.  
  
Big Mistake...  
  
In the confusion of a large scale brawl he had got four of the nine vamps to  
come after him and within seconds had destroyed two of them with stakes to the  
heart, he had spun over the back of one and kicked down the other following up  
with a stake to the heart. At this point he felt a sharp pain and looked up, he  
looked into eyes brimming with seething hatred and anger directed at him. He  
put his hand to his chest and found it bleeding- with a long sharp stake poking  
out of it, the look on the other person's face changed to one of shock and  
pain. The eyes turned from hate to horror and they ran away, Steve managed to  
pull out the stake and get to the pathway- where he collapsed.  
  
He woke up in New York County General Hospital two days later, he had been  
found by a passing Army Jeep crewed with a pair of Marine guards and a one star  
General in the back. They had pulled him up and got him to a hospital, it had  
taken a while but they had managed to stabilise him and saved his life, he  
awoke to find himself in a room machines attached to him and a marine guard  
outside the door. As he started to move an alarm went off and two nurses and a  
Doctor came in and reset the machine.  
  
"Mr Peterson, do you know where you are."  
  
Steve nodded and tried to speak but found he couldn't, the nurses removed his  
respirator and after his gagging reflex had settled he could answer the  
questions that were asked of him by the doctors. He knew the date, the  
President and lastly his personal details. By the end of the questions he was  
awake and lucid, the general from the car walked into the room and the Guards  
ushered the people out.  
  
"Good afternoon Mr Peterson, I'm General Peter Walsh of the United States  
Marine Corps- I'm the commander of a special operations division that shall we  
say fights a fight that no civilian knows about and fights an enemy the same  
way. It seems however you do know the enemy and how to fight them."  
  
The younger man nodded, he was wary of this man and his objectives. He did not  
trust many people and the military he distrusted most of all, he seemed  
relatively harmless but looks could be deceiving especially in the dark- this  
man was the darkest he had ever seen. Not his skin tone or his manner but his  
eyes and the aura of suffering around him, the general had been touched by the  
darkness and the power of Demonkind-he could feel it and it made his skin crawl.  
  
The General looked at the young man and saw something in his eyes, almost a  
recognition of sorts and it made him more than a little heedful of the youth.  
He shook off the anxiety and looked up as the door opened and a middle aged,  
mid height woman with long blonde hair walked in.  
  
"General, I'm here to talk to Mr Peterson, I would appreciate it if you waited  
a while before you started your little interrogations. He was hurt seriously  
and I doubt very much if he likes your little games."  
"Doctor, this is my jurisdiction..."  
  
"General you will leave or I will have you removed by force."  
  
"Very well Maggie we'll sort this out later." With that he left.  
  
The woman moved over to the bed and sat in the recently vacated chair, she  
opened up the file that she had carried in and then looked over his medical  
chart. Finally she looked up at him.  
  
"Mr Peterson, My name is Professor Margaret Walsh I'm a Psychiatrist with the  
United States department of Defence...  
  
"Walsh??"  
  
"Yes the General is a relation of mine, we have a small difference of opinion  
in some areas of our work. He may be a little forward but he gets the Job  
done." She looked again at her notes. "Now Steven I see you came in with quite  
a bit of damage to your thoracic cavity, you were lucky you were not seriously  
injured by the weapon that was embedded in your chest. What puzzles me is why  
the wound had pieces of wood embedded into it, and why you yourself seemed to  
be equipped with such weapons. Was it a gang warfare thing where both of your  
groups wear this type of equipment, or is there more to it."  
  
"Professor, I can't really say much about it. You might not believe me anyway,  
it's all complicated..."  
  
"Vampires attacked you and you ended up getting one of your own stakes through  
the chest."  
  
His eyes widened in severe shock, he had no idea that they really did now all  
about it. He started to shift in the bed his nervousness showing in his  
movements, for a long time he has had to fight and now he has even more of a  
problem with the military, this is not good not good at all...  
  
Steven looked up as his name was called- he shook his head from his thoughts  
and looked at his old friend John. The dark haired youth was looking at him  
oddly as if he was trying to figure out what he was thinking. Shaking his head  
Steven kept walking- John looked at him oddly but a elbow in the ribs from his  
wife stopped that.  
  
Steven's eyes wandered to his commander, Xander's shoulders were hunched and  
his hands were visibly trembling. His whole stature was as if he was trying to  
remove himself from the world, he didn't blame him for that. No man should ever  
have had to go through everything he had for the last week, it seemed to him  
that every good thing that ever happened to his friend was compounded by loss  
or pain- First Robby, then Gabby and now Cordelia Chase, the man had an  
incredible ability to take loss and pain in his stride. His memories show them  
that much, but never should he have had to go through this so much so fast.  
Steven felt for the younger man, he had taken on so much even before he had  
joined them at the initiative and even if he hadn't remembered he had always  
had the ability to hold others up no matter the pain they were in and as such  
no-one had ever seen his own. The only person who had had been killed, a lot  
must be going through his mind and it was Steven's Job to figure !  
it out for him.   
  
The four of them clambered into John's Car and drove into the main part of  
Sunnydale- towards the hospital where most of the gang would be at the moment-  
they deserved to know from friends instead of from a policeman or military  
personnel. Xander himself was going to inform them with John at his side, he  
had requested the other two stay outside the door- he wanted them out there so  
that the others would not be overwhelmed  
  
The car's journey ended at the main entrance to Sunnydale general hospital  
about 40 minutes later. Inside the car Xander was pulling himself together  
slowly, his breathing had slowed and his eyes were shut tight. His demeanour  
was changing slowly from the troubled teen to the professional soldier he had  
become, he couldn't let himself fall apart as he did this- as always he would  
have to hold them all as they heard the news. His own grief would come later,  
he would be there for them now and later- he'd sort out his problems on his own.  
  
"Come on Xander, let's do this." John patted him on the arm and got out the car  
as Xander got out the other side, they pulled back the seats to allow the  
others to get out of the car. The group made their way slowly towards Buffy's  
room- inside was her immediate family- Giles, Dawn and Joyce along with Willow.   
  
The others must still be sleeping after the heavy night last night- that would  
make it both easier and harder to deal with, Xander took in and let out a deep  
breath composing himself. He walked into the room John King walking in behind  
him a few steps, the look on Buffy's face was one of joy and happiness that  
obviously hadn't been evident for a very long time, it changed once she saw  
their faces to one of shock and horrified expectation- she knew what was wrong.  
  
"Who...who Xander." She questioned.  
  
"Cordelia..." that one word allowed the whole room to feel his anguish and the  
pain of his loss, never had they heard so much from one word. The atmosphere in  
the room dropped at least a hundred points to a still horror, they had never  
lost one so close to them. Buffy climbed out of her bed and slowly walked up to  
Xander who's eyes had closed as he tried to hold onto what remained of his  
control. She held onto his arms and encircled him with her own letting him know  
she was there for him...it was his turn to be looked after by his friends and  
they would do so.  
  
Xander pulled Buffy closer and held on his tears allowed to run free now, his  
grief would be pulled out of him and freely handled by all those of his friends  
that would help him. The Scoobies and the Hunters would be there for their  
friend- he was not going to be alone for this one, he felt a smaller pair of  
arms encircle him and a smaller head lean against his chest. He looked down to  
see Dawn hugging him too so he pulled an arm around the little one and held her  
close, both sisters felt for this man and they felt they had to help him.  
  
Buffy pulled away a little to look at him, feeling her move away he opened his  
tear puffed eyes to look at her. Dawn just hugged him tighter, in her typical  
teen way she felt him to be the centred part of her universe- just like her big  
sister.  
  
"Xander..." Started Buffy, "I'm so sorry, I know you loved her for a long time.  
Remember we're all here for you- you don't have to go through this on your own.  
Never again Xand, Never again."  
  
She held onto him again and they all stayed there holding onto each other or  
crying onto shoulders. Giles and Joyce, Buffy, Xander and Dawn and finally John  
and Stacy- all realising again that their times together may be short- shorter  
than many lives would be.  
  
No one noticed Steven leave the building...  
  
Later That Night.  
  
Xander and Buffy were sitting outside her house on her back porch, the hospital  
had allowed Buffy to leave after they were happy she was okay. The two of them  
were just sitting on the porch looking out at the world- or more accurately up  
at the sky, the stars were out and shining- seemingly clear and free of the  
troubles that plagued the peoples of the planet that they illuminated in that  
night sky. The troubles that were wearing away at the young and tired teens of  
the small town of Sunnydale.  
  
"Are you Okay Xander."  
  
"Not really Buffy, not really."  
  
"Talk to me Xander, please tell me what's going through your mind."  
  
"Buffy, I can't I'm sorry. You have your problems and now I have mine, because  
of me another of my friends has been killed and I couldn't stop it."  
  
"Stop it Xander." She pulled him around and looked directly into his eyes, the  
look in his eyes scared her to the depths of her own weighted soul. "You had  
nothing to do with her death Xander..."  
  
"She saw us." Buffy was cut off by Xander, "She saw us last night in the  
hospital room, I broke her heart then Buffy. If I hadn't been there- she would  
have stayed and she wouldn't have died."  
  
"If you hadn't been here you would have been there with her and died. I  
probably would have been next. You being there brought me out of whatever had  
taken me, I owe you my life and my sanity Xander. You always save me and never  
ask for anything from anyone, when Oz told us about what happened in the  
hospital. You are always there for us Xander, let me be here for you.  
  
With that said only one more thing was necessary, slowly and hesitantly the gap  
between closed between them, Buffy's eyes closed and slowly her lips pushed  
against Xander's. Xander almost pulled away but couldn't. He loved this  
woman-how much was only coming clear to him again after a year, he pushed his  
lips tighter against hers. Her tongue pushed into his mouth and he pushed his  
own into hers, in all the time they had known each other- this was the first  
time they had kissed, through their friendship it had been his dream and  
fantasy. Through their estrangement it had been all she had thought about, she  
had been told by Cordelia and by Willow he was kind and gentle to those he  
cared for and loved- she had been surprised to learn Xander had had a crush on  
Willow once and that it had switched sides in junior high.   
  
The kiss slowed down and gradually stopped, it had not been a fevered kiss  
because of loss and pain, nor a long lost love reunited. It had been a kiss to  
tell one person from another they were back and they're here to stay. The two  
hugged tightly to each other, Buffy's legs curled around Xander's waist legs  
curled behind him and ankles cross, his legs crossed beneath her and arms  
encircling each other, hold the other tight against them. Never letting go  
because if they did they may lose each other again and that would kill them  
both.  
  
For over and hour they sat there together holding each other "Xander stay here  
tonight." She still held her love close to her-his silent sobs finally  
subsiding. Her own had stopped a little while ago, she hurt for him as he had  
always hurt for her over all that time. His pain was more than she had ever had  
to deal with even after the fight- she had realised a while ago that the Xander  
Harris she knew would be a long time in returning and she was going to be there  
to bring him back.  
  
"What??" He said  
  
"Stay her tonight."  
  
"Feeling kinky Slayer." He tried to joke.  
  
"Xander, please I know it's your way to joke but please let us help you. Stay  
here tonight, you should not be alone tonight. Not for a long time. I love you  
Xander Harris and I will not let you be alone."  
  
"None of us will."  
  
The pair looked up to see Dawn standing there, the dark haired girl crouched  
down and stroked Xander's sweat and tearstained face- moving the hair from his  
eyes. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him, he pulled both sisters  
into a hug and for the first time in a long time he realised that he was Home.  
  
He slowly let them go and the two women helped him stand up, they steadied him  
as he walked to the house. Xander's strength was gone- he had nothing left to  
keep him going. Finally stumbling to the Sofa he finally got to sit down,  
within seconds the day had caught up with him and he was asleep.  
  
Buffy told her sister to get a blanket and pillow from the airing cupboard and  
put them over Xander, Buffy would get him comfortable. She moved over to Xander  
and removing his coat and boots and wiping his streaked face with a cloth she  
made him comfortable. Dawn had reappeared with the blanket and had made Xander  
comfortable, Buffy disappeared into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Dawn  
moved up to Xander and kissed him on the cheek, he murmured in his sleep- she  
smiled and laid down her head on his lap and fell asleep within seconds, Buffy  
returned to find her in this state and decided against waking her up. Dawn and  
Xander were very much alike and wondered if their daughter would be like Dawn,  
she had the best characteristics of both herself and Xander-mainly Xander's  
humour and soulful abilities of friendship and love for their friends.  
  
Buffy shifted under the Blanket and put her head onto his shoulder, she got  
comfortable and in his sleep he put his arms around both girls. Buffy fell  
asleep feeling safer than she ever had-even before becoming the slayer.  
  
The blonde girl and dark haired young man had the weight of the world on their  
shoulders, more than any of they kind should ever have to. The fates had never  
been kind to either of them, death, murder, torture and the hatred of so many  
coursed through the veins of the town they called home. The pain of loss had  
hit them both, loss of friendship, loss of caring, loss of love.  
  
They had both lost so much in the four short years they had both been together  
as friends and confidants, and now as close as two people could get they could  
help one another through the dark times ahead of them. The souls of two would  
forge ahead and new strengths would be forged through their darkness and the  
voyage into the light.  
  
Dreams flicked through the minds of them both, memories and thought of their  
live intermingling. Becoming both disturbing and happy, painful yet caring, the  
comfort they gave each other combined with the strength from their third- the  
young woman who was more than she seemed.  
  
The dreams were combining, somehow using both of their minds and the host to  
the new memories, the combination of the strength of the two of them were  
closer than either had realised. The sister of the slayer, the young woman  
protected by the brave human man was the closest thing to the two of them and  
for the rest of their lives they would find a strange compulsion to stay with  
her until they would finally know her ad her future.  
  
And would stay together...  
  
Forever...  
  
  
06:00 Hrs Zulu  
The Next Morning.  
  
Xander slowly raised his head-memories of the night before a little blurred. He  
felt the presence of two bodies pressed against his own. He opened his eyes to  
see a blonde head on his shoulder and a dark one on his lap, Xander smiles at  
the thought of the two women who meant the world to him pushed up against  
him-almost like a family. He only hoped that their family would be like  
Willow's more than his own or Buffy's-happy and comfortable without the pain  
that they had all had to go through in their lives. As he moved Dawn started to  
stir and woke up- she sat up a blushed a little once she had realised what had  
happened and smiled to him. Xander felt a bit better than the night before- he  
realised that this had been what was missing in his life- a close family who  
loved him unconditonally.  
  
The hunters were close but they were close friends forced together by the army,  
they were as close as anyone because of this but he had never been right with  
them-not because he was the CO but because of who he is. Willow and Jesse had  
been the best friends he could ever have asked for, Amy and Jonathan as well  
but they all were together as friends but never as family.  
  
The Summers family had changed that, Joyce was as loving to him as she was to  
her own daughters. A mother that he should have had not one like his own, Buffy  
was his love and he realised that the night before, he could spend his life  
with her-more than any of the other women he knew. Dawn was something else-  
some thing he could not put into words- he always thought of her as a little  
sister but as he grew and changed he saw her as more close to a soulmate-almost  
as close as Buffy was to him. Not in a romantic way but in a real heartfelt  
way, a part of him and a part of the best of himself, she was almost  
everything-Sister, friend, daughter. He couldn't place it but it was there and  
that was all that mattered to him now.  
  
"Hey Dawn Patrol."  
  
"Hey Xand, You feel better now."  
  
"Yes thanks Dawn, how about you, you should get some more sleep. You have  
school later."  
  
"No I don't mom let me stay home after what happened." Dawn went silent,  
  
"Hey Dawn it's Ok, come here." He pulled her to him and held tight onto her,  
she started to sob a little. The small movement of her sobs finally woke Buffy-  
she woke to find Dawn and Xander hugging each other. Dawn had seen so little of  
their world they had never had it come so close to her-she had lost a friend  
now and the effects were devastating on her young mind. She had never fully  
realised what her sister and her friends had to go through each day just to  
survive, what they did to keep the world safe. Even with the loss of Xander a  
year ago she had never fully grasped the pain and horror of the night.  
  
She tried speaking but it came in stuttered gasps and sobs, "I...I...c...can't lose  
you a...all...l too Xand I c...c...can't." She started to cry harder her cries gaining  
volume, Buffy felt for her sister, she loved her sister more than anything as  
much as she loved Xander. She knew if she lost either of them it would break  
her down and she would lose her, mind, her body and her soul piece by piece  
until she died.  
  
She sat up fully and touched Xander's shoulder, his head turned to see her, his  
eye's sullen and withdrawn but still with the light of caring that nothing ever  
seemed to remove no matter what happened to him. The only time she had seen it  
leave his eyes had been that night he left, she fell into his arms and let her  
own tears fall, he had cried all through the night and now he was determined to  
let them have their turn. It seemed to her that no matter what happened he  
would always allow them to cry on his shoulder and for that they were all  
thankful. Dawn in one arm Buffy in the other he held them tight like that- time  
was unimportant to them, the two cried and sobbed and just couldn't stop.  
Almost two hours later Joyce came down the stairs to see them still in that  
position, Dawn had finally fitfully fallen asleep again, Buffy was holding onto  
Xander like a lifejacket as if he alone was holding her head above water-which  
was as close to the feeling as any words could be- hold!  
ing her afloat like he always had.  
  
"Hey." Said Joyce, Xander and Buffy looked up, Xander looked less than rested  
but better than yesterday. Buffy's eyes were red and streaks were down her  
cheeks, the skin was raw from the constant salt water of her tears over the  
last three days. Xander and Buffy were still holding each other tightly with  
dawn sleep soundly against Xander's Lap, a pillow under her head- streaks also  
cascaded down her cheeks. The three had never looked worse and Joyce was  
finding it difficult not to cry at the sight of them all.  
  
"Hello Joyce, I'm sorry about crashing last night, but I seemed to have been  
shanghaied by two very lovely ladies who wouldn't let me go." Xander said with  
a slight smile. Joyce returned the smile.  
  
"I know who do you think told them to keep you here", She smiled at his  
expression. "Are either of you hungry- I can make something."  
  
"Not really Mom, I couldn't eat anyway."  
  
"Same here Joyce, just not hungry." He said while stroking Dawn's head, he  
looked at the youngster on his lap. She settled a little at his touch, she  
mumbled a little but not enough for anyone to understand. But in her dreams she  
was seeing Xander and Buffy and was saying just two words.  
  
Mom...  
  
Dad...  
  
End Part 14  
  



	15. Part 15

Blame Author: Silent Bob Regent E-mail: Bobrgnt@netscape.com Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England Summary: AU Season 3 onward Buffy did not go to LA and also found out Xander lied to her this is the story based around what happened to him and his future if it was not centred around Sunnydale Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon, The WB and Mutant Enemy own them. The songs belong to the Writers and anything else belongs to their respective belonging to people. The Headhunters belong to me. Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it Feedback: Hell Yeah Spoilers: All of season 3 onwards   
  
Authors note: if part of this seems a little out of usual or at all tired and depressive it's mainly because I have just been shot down by someone I asked out. And sadly enough she was the first woman I ever asked out.  
  
Good Guys do finish last and I'm 20 years of proof.  
  
Part 15 Two hours later Lowell House  
  
Xander stood next to the mirror and identified himself to the main computer, within seconds he was on his way down the Initiative headquarters. He had hated to leave Dawn and Buffy but he had a job to do- or to take leave he knew that would be chosen by the new base commander.  
  
The doors to the lift opened and he walked into the main laboratories of the Initiative complex. Experiments and captures were being moved around the floor, he could see several of the Hunters in deep discussion in one corner- he headed towards them.  
  
"Hey Boss man how you feelin'" Asked Chip.  
  
"Not good Chip, better than yesterday though."  
  
"How'd your friends take the news Xander." Asked Stacy  
  
"Buffy and her sister took it the way I expected. I didn't get to talk to Willow and Oz, I don't know if they know about it."  
  
They all nodded at that, losing so many people close to him in such a small amount of time must be hard for him. They all knew that even with help from them and his long time friends that it would take a long time for him to come even remotely close to being alright. During this whole mess they had realised many of them that he was likely to leave the Initiative and go back home and none of them would blame them. He had been the only one of them not to be forced into this no matter the problems he had, Robby and Gabby had both been sentenced to death for a mass murder they did not commit. Steven and Jennifer had their problems, each of the group had a choice about what to do but none so much as their commander.  
  
John and both Stevens had made their way across to the group, they informed Xander and the group that a briefing was about to take place about the new demon that was running rampant around Sunnydale. Luckily they had managed to cover up much of the damage, the deaths of three people in Sunnydale in 36 hours all the same way- the same as Cordelia.  
  
"Good afternoon, as many of you know my name is General Walsh. I am the Commander of all Initiative bases in the Combined American Continent. I am the new commander after the death of my former wife Professor Maggie Walsh."  
  
John and Xander looked at each other and back at the General- this was not good, from the time that they had known the general they knew him to be a military 'Hawk' a military man who wants any weapon he can get and not let anything stop him. He was not well liked by his superiors or by his subordinates, he was the creator of the Hunters and had sent then from base to base for Six months until they finally were given set down orders in Sunnydale. He was unaware of the Slayer and her friends- mainly because the reports handed in by the hunters had nothing in them about the Slayerettes.  
  
"The Demon we are hunting is intelligent, resourceful and the most dangerous individual enemy we have ever come up against. He is to be found at all costs and stopped and brought back here immediately. I expect for him to be found in less than 72 hours if he is not then repercussions will be widespread throughout this base is that understood."  
  
John closed his eyes and wished he had never been inducted- not that he had any idea what would happen when he had joined. His own story started a few years before his time with the Initiative, as a sixteen-year-old grammar school student. He had never been a great student, his skills lay in history and his talent of story writing. He had never thought of joining the military or even about the forces that waited in the darkness- this would impact on his life harder than he could ever have realised.  
  
Unlike many of the others he had been innocent of the charge that brought him to this hellhole.  
  
For a long time he had been an outcast and someone to be scorned and ridiculed- he rarely ever got angry at this and had little hostility to anyone. He was seen by some as a buffer to help them in their time of need, others saw him as a silent loner. Few saw him as a friend but those that did were loyal to him, for a long time people saw him as a friend a confidant and a big brother. He was content with his lot and had finally got to the stage that he was comfortable with.  
  
Good things come to those who wait.  
  
Total Bullshit.  
  
John's life would take a plunge that would destroy much of all he knew and would change his life for the worse. One good thing would come out if it- only he didn't realise how much until a fateful day in his future.  
  
September 24th 1997 Location: Kent England Time 22:00 GMT  
  
John was hiding in an alleyway, blood streaming from a cut across his shoulder. He was running from a gang of some kind. They looked like Goths and although he knew a few of their type in this town he knew something was wrong. He peaked around the corner- the group he was running from were slowly and methodically looking for him. He put his hands in his pockets looking for anything that he could use as a weapon- here he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his waist and pulled out a wooden stake. He had forgotten he even had it- it was a prop for his role playing.  
  
It would have to do.  
  
A member of the gang had found him.  
  
He yelled and plunged the wooden implement into the man's back- he exploded into dust. *What the hell* He heard at least two more of the gang running up to his position and so decided to run- very fast. He ran and ran until he made it to a friend's house.  
  
"John what the hell?"  
  
"Stacy let me in quick." She pulled the door fully open and he jumped in. "I'm being chased Stace."  
  
"By what?"  
  
"I dunno- but you wouldn't believe me if I told you. They kinda exploded into dust when I stabbed em with a stake."  
  
"Vampires?"  
  
"Could be."  
  
"John come with me. I have something to show you."  
  
The two of them walked into the huge old house and pulling on a doorframe Stacy opened a concealed corridor into a hidden chamber further on.  
  
"Stacy what the hell is this."  
  
"My father is a member of a group known as the Watchers council. For thousands of years they have watched over this world and defended it against the evils of hell and the demons of beyond."  
  
"Your telling me that demons are real?"  
  
"Yes John, demons, vampires, mummies, werewolves. Everything you can dream of and a lot more evil that anything humanity has to offer.  
  
"Even old one-ball."  
  
"He was a demon, from the seventh level of hell. One of the rarest and most evil of everything down there. Stalin was another- Chris Evans is a lesser one, but as demons are rare in this country it is almost impossible to be attacked by one. The vampires you saw must be a new group. They'll be dead by tomorrow evening. I'll tell my father."  
  
"I already know Stacy."  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Mr Hawking?"  
  
The large man standing in the doorway walked in, built like the proverbial shithouse. He sat next to the pair.  
  
"It's okay John, I would have told you all this eventually- I know you could have been a capable and useful ally. But you are not right for this and you knew too much too soon."  
  
Behind them three policemen appeared and grabbed the young man. The young man's instincts kicked in and he virtually castrated one of the men with a well thrust stake in the testicles. Stacy made the decision that would affect her life.  
  
She stabbed the other man with a large sacrificial knife buried it into his stomach up to the hilt. She grabbed John's hand and they ran John shoulder charging Hawking and sending him sprawling John pinwheeling after him.  
  
"John!!!!!"  
  
"Get out of here go- get away."  
  
Stacy ran and ran hard, tears running down her face and she ran. Finally getting far enough away she collapsed onto the pavement. Sobbing hard as she realised she had lost everything- her family and her best friend. Tears ran afresh and she curled up next to a tree and looked to the sky. She didn't notice the shadow until it came up next to her.  
  
Back in the basement  
  
"Ok Mr Hawking you got me leave her alone. I'll do whatever is necessary but leave Stacy out of this now she was just trying to help me."  
  
"You love my daughter that much, enough to give up everything. Enough to lose your life." "Your daughter is the only reason I live sir. You do anything to her and I would kill you."  
  
"You'll be useful. So will my daughter when we get her.  
  
"What do you mean."  
  
"A group in the United States needs the Watcher's Council's help. You will be one we send. Now I need you to find Stacy for me. Neither of you will be hurt again. I promise you on my honour as a Watcher."  
  
With that John was free to go, he went searching, taking twists and turns and shortcuts. Jumping fences and hiding in bushes until he lost the last of his tails in the darkness. Then he began searching, looking in their places and the hidden rooms of the town they lived in until he made it near to the coast of the English channel and he found her in the last place he expected to. The place he broke her heart all those years ago.  
  
She was looking for the stars in the cloudy night. So he said once again the first words he had ever spoken to her over thirteen years before:  
  
"Find the Dippers and you find Orion the Hunter."  
  
She spun around and launched herself into his arms holding him tightly, his own arms came around her in a tight embrace. One of friends who had never thought to have seen each other again.  
  
Stacy starts to sob again, "I thought you were dead."  
  
"I know I'm so sorry Stacy, I never meant to scare you like that. I'll never leave you my love, never."  
  
"What did you just say?"  
  
"I'll never leave you."  
  
"No the other part."  
  
John looked down at the ground and sighed, he hadn't meant for it to come out like that. She put her index finger to his chin and made him look into her eyes. She could only say one word.  
  
"When?"  
  
"The day after you told me and the day after I broke your heart all those years ago. I realised I really did love you as much as you did me Stacy. I couldn't tell you because of what I had said before."  
  
Again she made a decision and she kissed him, she kissed him hard and passionately in seconds he was responding the same way. Until Stacy went limp and passed out, John soon afterwards.  
  
Four men with air powered tranquilliser rifles came from the shadows around the buildings. Each dressed in black and moving swiftly, they picked up the bodies of the two and moved away.  
  
"What's the MO boss."  
  
"They'll be sent to the Initiative on multiple Murder charges, have our people in the States kill six or seven people and plant these two near the last one."  
  
"Yes Sir."  
  
John came back to earth with a bump as the General shouted.  
  
"DIS-MISSED."  
  
John walked out and into the corridor and leaned against the wall, she pushed to heels of his hands against his eyes and sighed heavily. He felt a pair of arms surround his neck and a head of soft hair lean against his chest. He lowered his arms around her shoulders and hugged her tight.  
  
"You were thinking of home weren't you." She asked him.  
  
"I hate being here and doing this Stacy I'm afraid we'll end up like Gabby and Rob or like Cordelia. I don't want to lose you in any way Stace, never. If I ever did I'd be the next to get it I couldn't live without you."  
  
"NO. Don't you ever do that- never, I am not worth that. If you get killed just to be with me I will leave you high and dry in whatever afterlife there is. Do you get me?"  
  
He looked deep into her beautiful eyes and nodded. They kissed again and hugged before leaving to get back to the university they had only a few minutes to get to classes.  
  
They didn't see Xander watching them disappear into the corridors or the look on his face as he made a fatal decision one that would affect several lives, His own, his love and his daughters.  
  
Summers Residence 19:00 Zulu Same Day.  
  
Xander Harris walked up to the house and pressed the doorbell, it was opened by Joyce who smiled warmly at the young man. He smiled back as she moved away to let him through the doorway.  
  
"Hello Xander."  
  
"Hello Joyce, Thanks. Is Buffy here?"  
  
"Yes she's asleep at the moment, you are welcome to wait until she wakes up."  
  
"Thanks. I won't though, I'll talk to her later."  
  
"If you are sure Xander."  
  
"I am"  
  
Xander started to open the door and as he did Joyce left to check on something in the kitchen. He knew he couldn't do it, could not do what he wanted to and tell her face to face his decision and so pulling out the letter he had written several hours before.  
  
He left it...  
  
And his dreams behind.  
  
Same place Two hours later  
  
Buffy woke up to the smell of her mother's cooking and smiled, she was having a great day, the man she loved was now with her and she was feeling better than ever. Dawn was mumbling something under her breath as she slept in Buffy's arms, Buffy shifted Dawn's weight off her arms and moved out of bed.  
  
She slipped out the door and down the stairs, stepping into the kitchen she saw Joyce and Giles talking and laughing. Faith sipped at a cup of tea and smiling at whatever she was thinking- probably something to do with Jonathan and numerous piece of revealing underwear.  
  
"Hey Mom, Hey Giles. Hey Faith What's up?"  
  
"You by the looks of it Buffy." Giles smiled at his charge. "Sleep well?"  
  
"Very well."  
  
"Oh Xander dropped by, but left all of a sudden." Replied Joyce  
  
"Strange."  
  
"I think there was a letter by the door when I came in." said Giles, "Maybe he left it for you."  
  
Buffy paled a little and practically ran for the door, the letter was there and her name was emboldened in his familiar script on the front. She ripped it open and pulled out the paper. As she read the writing her eyes started to water and she collapsed onto the floor crying her eyes out.  
  
Buffy  
  
Oh I wish I could tell this to you personally, but I'm afraid.  
  
Heh me fighting every day for my life against the odds, surviving against vampires demons and hell spawn. Everything that the enemy can send at me and I'm afraid to talk to the woman I love.  
  
I have to leave you Buffy, if I keep with you. I'm going to get you and others killed, I got three people killed in one week and I'm damned if I'm ever going to let you go down because of me.  
  
I love you so much it hurts and in falling for you I've had one friend killed, I came back not knowing who you are and not knowing what was going to happen but in finding you I have found myself and my heart again.  
  
But I can't risk you or any of my friends for my own ends and so I am leaving Sunnydale and I am leaving the lives of the people here. Maybe I should stay or maybe I shouldn't. Having to see people every day that you can't save and you can't stay with is the hardest thing I know. I know that you see the same thing as I do and you know why I have to go, I love you Buffy and I will always be with you.  
  
I will always love you remember that please.  
  
Xander.  
  
Buffy had spent all her tears, she had so few left but so much to grieve over, she had lost the one person able to keep her going over all that was to come. These new sightings of a super demon. The sighting of a new super vampire's nest. She would need all she had to get through the next times and she would be damned if she let him go this time. She had lost him so many times in so many ways that one more would make sure she never got over it and she would die before the end of the year.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
Dawn was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking at her sister with worried eyes, she knelt next to her sister and picked up the note. She had the same reaction as her sister but to the extent that she fainted on the floor and was only stopped from hitting hard by the arms of a certain Englishman who was in the area.  
  
"What's wrong Buffy, What happened."   
  
"It's Xander, he's leaving me again."  
  
Giles picked up the letter and uttered something very un-Gileslike.  
  
"Son of a Bitch."  
  
His anger grew with every line, what the hell did that boy think he was doing. Breaking her heart for the third time. Leaving, running away. He had no right.   
  
He had no right.  
  
He laid Dawn on the sofa and Buffy was helped in by her mother and faith, he was going to find that boy and give him a talking to he would not forget in a hurry.  
  
"I'll be back soon. I have to get something."  
  
Faith understood. "Don't do anything to him Giles. Bring him back. He may not be thinking straight, he's lost a lot more than we have. Give him a chance okay.  
  
Giles nodded and left the house.  
  
End part 15 


End file.
